He dragged his heavy limbs through the sand and plopped down to stare angrily at those more care free and ignorant to life's finiteness. One little girl caught his eye; jumping around, running from the waves and all but eating sand. He chuffed at her sarcastically but didn't stop watching. There was little else to do in the hot July sun. She carried shovels full of sand to a little mound and patted it down; laughing and squealing as the water tickled her feet rushing upon them. He was startled when she spotted him and danced her way to his spot for chit chat. That's what little girls did; chit chat. He sighed and rolled his eyes when she flounced in front of him wafting the smell of bubblegum and sunscreen.
"Hi." It was smiley and short; just like her. She stood in his sun and twisted her bikinied belly. Her blond hair had white streaks in it. Large canary yellow plastic sunglasses crowned in pink hearts dotted her face.
He grumped and shook the sand from the paper he wasn't reading.
"I'm Dena"
He looked at her, cocking his head tiredly. "I'll call you Chatty"
She laughed and picked her nose. Racing away he thought he'd succeeded in deterring further contact but she quickly returned with buckets and shovels beginning to build a kingdom around them. She began to dig and pour and ~ talk.
"We have to hurry! The kingdom will fall if we don't get the wall up!" she announced with a panic.
He thought there was more sand in her suit than on the beach but she kept digging, building. Shortly, he was surrounded by sand lumps topped with sticks, seaweed and a few rather ripe crab claws. The architect was currently digging out a tunnel so they could escape if needed.
"You need to be able to get outta here if they break through. " she huffed, curling her arm under the cool damp sculpture.
He had ignored her mostly; grunting or hmph-ing answers to her questions and "chit chat".
At last there was a sound he was happy to hear: "Deeeeena! Time to go!"
The youngster wiped her hands on her filthy bottom and gathered up her toys. "Okay Mister. I gotta go." and she scampered off.
He nodded and felt the weight of his misery creep back in around him as she disappeared. He didn't see her mother or speak to her. The sun began to set as the ocean swayed and sighed. He wandered back home to a silent house where he was alone with his fear and devouring cancer. These were the toughest hours. He had no one to yell at, to be jealous of or to be afraid with. He simply paced and glowered in the mirror at the shell housing such a cruel sickness. Damn his body. Damn the doctors who couldn't heal him. Damn everything. Sleep was hard to find but arrived better late than never. He dreamt of kings and dragons which could not be slain.
The following day he walked through town to the store but came back along the beach. He sat down quietly and ate some of the snacks he'd bought as well skimming his new book. He wasn't sure it was her at first, but rather (hoped) it was just another little girl dancing and playing in the sand. She paused and squinted his way then raised her chubby little arm in the air and raced toward him.
"HEY! I know YOU!" she grinned with her hands on her hips. Today's ensemble was even brighter than yesterday's with huge white heart sunglasses flecked with purple flowers. "Watch THIS!" and before he could think, she attempted a cartwheel. Sand sprayed in a happy arc, landing in the pages of his book with a giggly little *tst! tst!*
He couldn't respond; just raised his eyebrows and shook out his book. She ran away laughing at the seagulls who curiously swooped around her checking for food. She returned with her toys and began to repeat her castle building. Today she talked about dragons. Her turrets were tall sand covered water bottles (for "reforcements" as she pointed out) capped with shells to protect the soldiers. Each of the long walls she built was covered with rocks and sticks. She told him of the horrible monster that no one could destroy. Today, he listened and sadly related.
"But don't worry. We will win somehow." and she turned to keep digging. "I come here every year. Do you? I can come and see you next time."
The man looked passed her and into the water. " I live here."
"Lucky duck." she grimaced causing her sunglasses to wiggle down her nose. She righted them and smudged her cheek.
"Not so lucky, this duck." he sighed.
"Well I think you are. I have to go home and eat vegetables and take a bath and say my prayers and got to sleep and EVEN go to school." she made a face as if she'd smelled something foul. He smiled.
"DEEEEEENAAAAA!" he heard and the little girl scooped up her things and ran off into the shifting waves of people.
"See you!" she yelled back at him.
He waved to the her backside and turned to watch the beach empty, cursing the sun set. Then, he went home to push his dinner around his plate though he ate his vegetables. He did not see her the next day or the next or the next. He went, instead, to the doctor's office, to chemo, to radiation treatments. He went for more surgery and always, he came home a little worse; closer to the end of his life. He grew weak and began visit the beach less often. One day he sat at the edge of the sand; too tired to trudge all the way out as he had before. He sat in the shade with his sunglasses and a book,dozing. The medicine made him so sleepy nowadays. His now skinny frame seemed to sway in the waves' breeze, He was tired from the inside out and felt raw.
"Hi." came a small voice like a popgun. She stood there before him with a bucket full of a sandy water mix.
He startled almost tipping in to the sand. "ooo!" was his tiny reply
She skipped over to him and plopped down as if she had only been gone a minute. Her sing song chatter filled his ears.
"Want to come with me to the water? We need more for the moat. The kingdom isn't safe." she had built a wall around them spotted with her typical mounds decorated in debris.
"I can't."
"Sure you can."
"I'm sick today Chatty."
Instantly she was up in front of him. She kissed her hand and gently rubbed his bare forehead. "Mmmmm" she said thoughtfully. "Want me to pat your back? My mommy does that..."
He brushed the sand from his face and smiled softly. "No Sweetie. I'm not sick like that. I am not-getting- better sick."
"We all get better."
"Not me. One day I won't be here. One day soon." he trailed off feeling a little twinge of fear and sadness.
"...but not today..." she said cautiously.
"Not today."
"No. I know because I closed the gate." she pointed to the sand and sure enough, she had encircled them both. It was a tall high wall on which she had stuck shells and cigarette butts. He chuffed a soft laugh that sent him into thick gravelly cough. His eyes watered and his body shook horribly. The little girl reached up and patted his back.
"Deeeeeeenaaaaaaa!"
"I'll see you later!" she smiled and dashed off.
"Bye Chatty." he said quietly, watching her fade in to the waves of people. He sat for a while longer until the strength in his limbs managed enough courage to begin the block walk home. He arrived and slept on the couch. There were no dreams; only heavy darkness smudged by the pain of his progressing disease. He cried softly. that was his last trip to the water. He couldn't muster the energy to leave the house. He could barely whisk his frail body to the porch where he would sit and breathe slowly and with great labor. He felt defeated and cheated. He hated hurting and feeling weak. Now, what few things he ate were delivered by the local store. They were kind to him and often brought home cooked things that his body rejected but they tasted good. They tasted full of life and thought.
It was a bright August morning that he heard a tinkling of a little bell and smiled brightly to see his chatty girl pedaling heartily up the walk.
"What're you doing?" she barked gaily. Perching her hand like a visor over her orange sunglasses that were tipped with green starfish.
"Just sitting." he whispered but returned her same pose so he could see her small frame clad in navy shorts, a purple tee shirt and white sneakers; all were smeared with dirt and sand already.
Behind her bike was a small wagon littered with sand toys. She expertly parked and got out, hauling all of her things up to the porch. He looked puzzled as she made herself at home and began to build; telling him of their current kingdom that had to hurry because a terrible sickness was covering the world and they had to build the walls to protect all they loved; sheep,dogs, birds, flowers, mommies and daddies and bubblegum. He laughed for the first time in the short year since his diagnosis.
"Some walls aren't strong enough." he sighed.
"But this is pretty good. " She said patting some sand and leaning back to survey her work. She nodded with approval. "Yep. Prrrrrett-ttty good." she clucked.
For the first time, he rose and went to her. He knelt and slowly patted the sand with her. She gasped with shear elation and spun to dump a fresh bucket in front of them. The sand was cool and damp. It lightly scratched his skin. He smoothed it and continued to mash and build their wall. In a few minutes, his breath became short and quick. A cool sweat had crested his temples and upper lip. He found himself building more frantically. Dena dumped sand as fast as he could move it. With exhaustion, he rested on his haunches. The world swayed and tilted. A sweet nausea rose in his chest. As he looked around, flashes of light began to sparkle in his periphery.
"I... don't feel..." came slowly, thickly from his lips. The world began to spin faster. His knees tingled; feeling as if they were melting into the ground. His chest was aching; each breath cut in half by a stab of pain.
"DEEEEEEENAAAA" came the now familiar holler but it sounded as if his ears were crammed with pillow fluff
"Don't leave..." he softly begged.
She wiped her hands and stood, looking at him curiously. She took off her sunglasses and gently put them over his squinting eyes. Then she took his hand in hers. It was sweaty and small, sticky with dirt.
"Then come with me." she said simply.
He tried to laugh but he had almost no wind left. "I .. can't..."
"It's time to GOOOOO" came the second warning.
"COOOOOMING!"She tugged him up. Somehow he managed to stand on trembling legs. "C'mon. We'll go to another kingdom where it's safe for you. Didn't you hear? It's time to go now." Her voice no longer sounded small or childish. There was a strength surging through him enabling him to walk toward the beach. She kicked down their wall to the kingdom and helped him walk, donning those sunglasses; down to the beach and into an ocean brimming brightly with angels. "We all get better. " she reassured him and squeezed his hand.
For my friend. Be safe, be well, know you are loved.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and more often my happy, laughing memories of afternoons by the pool, clear margaritas and good times. May there be so many more of those.
Love
Tess
