As a Ninja....fear me.

Bees.


That should be enough for you if you are a regular here.  For those of you who are new, thanks for coming over. I hate bees. I am terrified: the kind of terror that makes me freeze, whimper like a hungry puppy and lose control of the English language. 


Well spring has sprung in my little garden and that means bees, wasps, hornets, bumblers and carpenters are all out and checking ( for laughs) to see if I still all but pee myself to spot one of their kind. Carpenters don't count. They just hum to themselves and stare but I watch them...oh yes I do.


I take the dogs for walks on my "down" days and confess that the time with the "toddlers" is really fun. I love to follow along and watch their personalities.  That being said, my little piglet, Winston, is famous for the need to mark everything. EVERYTHING. Or attempt to. He just kind of hobbles along with one leg in the air trying to spray it all and tell the world he's been here.  I guess he told the wrong creature: a bee. He stepped on it.  He was sniffing and lifting and jiggling and well..."Winston-ing" when suddenly his happy dog day music stopped.  He began to limp and favor his foot. He couldn't even TRY to walk on it. 


 I get it buddy. I do. So I scooped him up and carried him home. Indulgence? Spoiled? Maybe, but if I had been popped, I'd want someone to carry ME home and whisper to me that it would be all right and that I was brave. He kept showing it to me. I don't know if he thought he would get cookies or spa treatments but I DID put him in the sun by the window and patted his head. Poor guy.


He healed.


Why all this?
WELL
 I was up north and stepped out on the porch to begin a leisurely walk with my son. 
"Hey Mom. There's a wasp."
I swallowed hard but walked right passed it. "No worries. Don't bother it. It won't bother you." I don't know who that was for: him or me. I hoped my voice didn't crack as loudly in mid air as it did in my head. Nah.


"uhhhh Mom? He's following you."


I felt my jaw tighten and that nervous trickle of sweat on the back of my neck. "It's okay. He won't be interested for long." I hoped. Panic fluttered in my chest; icy and cold. "Pleaaaaase. Not for long" I thought.


"Mom? He's on your pants."


"Wha....?"


ZAP


The scream that filled my mouth and chest was dusty and hot; filled with disbelief and terror.  The tears were instantaneous and I froze. That little motherfiretrucker jackhammered my leg until I broke free of the horror and swatted it to the ground. The throbbing started; the ache. I limped and swore and I mean SWORE...not the every day "damn" or occasional "sh!t" ...No way!  This was an unholy torrent of obscenities about my mother, someone's miserable female dog and Christ Almighty.  I'll pray later. I figured since that tiny demon had unleashed its hellish poison, I had earned a few verbal sins.  My son stood there trying not to laugh. It was tough and ultimately he failed.  The snort which was quickly followed by "You should have seen your FACE!"  sent me over the edge.


 I ran back in to the house and checked the spot of violation. It was lovely; red and swollen. Bastard. So I got the can: 27 foot spray range? Sounds good to me. I found him; AND his cousin Vinny, his sister Louella and their cute little wispy homes. I unloaded. My teeth were gnashed together and the guttural growl slipping between my lips could be compared only to that of a starving grizzly. My son stood safely on the other side of the screen cheering me on "Git em Mommy! Git em ALL!" the blood bath continued down the steps to the hose box. I flipped the lid and found some more. " C'mon fellas...I got somethin for ya."  Good Lord I sprayed so much they were too dead to drop off. They were simply frozen to their nests. It was like Pompeii. They never saw it coming. As if to add insult to injury, I reacted to the venom and earned a ten day course of antibiotics and some intense leg pain. My wound was so hot and red you could feel it through my pants. Much later that night, I finally found my bee-chi, sitting down to cry softly after the jokes were laughed out and everyone had gone to bed.  Winston came up with his raggedy tiger and put his paw on my leg.  " I get it Mommy.  You're brave.  It will be all right."


I couldn't WAIT to get back up north and retaliate (some more). I gladly accept the Bee Ninja challenge.


THIS weekend? Two were on my rug.I stopped short and gave the "Christmas Story.."HA!"  I swear they cowered together for safety and last rites.  Too late guys. I see you. Ninja fail.  I grabbed my shoe and rolled them under its sole until every part of them was separate; like that little kid game, Cootie?  AND? This morning, I rolled over to see one on my bed... no IN my bed.  He was scooped up in toweling and ground into bits then flushed.


Game on you little motherfiretruckers. Bring it. 
For Mother's Day I want a bee suit, a smoke can and some gas...


Go ahead and laugh. I know it's funny. That's why I told  you. ;)
Enjoy your day.

Christina Aguilera - The Beautiful People ( Lyrics On Screen )

And a good Monday morning I suppose.  Yes it's HER. I know. She's raw and this is a rough one, but I do like it. It's a thumper and redundant enough to help you get on auto-pilot. So let's get our shoes on and get moving.

I hope you feel like one of the beautiful people today. I will need a shower first...just to feel human...

See you soon. Let's think about Wednesday or so? I have a couple ready to go, I just need to finish them.

Usher - More Lyrics (RedOne Jimmy Joker remix)

And Happy Mother's Day. Cheers to all you do, everyday for everyone. You do, give and ARE enough. I hope you were spoiled today. You have earned it.

I have had a wonderful weekend. I got to be at Promises, I worked like a dog and I achieved one of my running goals. It was ambitious and I think cheech can tell you, not pretty.  I decided I wanted to run the length of one of the main roads up here.  It is hilly, winding and wicked. About half way through that little "you can't do it" popped up. A lot of doubt (any really) is very heavy to run with, so I just dropped it on the ground, ignored it ~shouted "Yes you can you sissy!" and pushed onward. Can you believe it? Ha! With my race coming in a month, most of you know what that brings to Mondays. :) Yes, WPS.  But today I will play this one. I really dug deep for it and I DID finish. I did get "More" and if I'd have had any wind left in me, I'd have shouted.  But I was really just trying not to throw up. I finished the road on a down slope in a dead run. I was almost to the brink of tears but I did it and I am damn proud of myself. Those tears I will accept ~ That and a nap this afternoon.

Well I have other things to post here so let's move along shall we?
See you soon. Thanks for stopping in. I've missed your company.

~ new ways to do things means you may have to punch in to youtube to watch the wps. s'up to you.

Hey you.
I know I know I KNOW. Too long! A month? Bah.  No excuses other than busier than I can describe. I have several ready but I just can't get here to do them.  I hope to find my way back here this weekend after chores and what not.

I've got some good ones so let's catch up soon okay? I know it isn't you and I thank you all for checking up on me. S'all good. Life gets in the way sometimes...doesn't it?

Talk with you soon.
Miss you
Tess