Vacation

 I went away for a few days not thinking it would be such a production or that I would spend as much time working as I did.  That was a great disappointment and extreme disruption to myself and my friends.  I have been pushed to the brink at work and have had to have many sit-downs with Cheech as to whether or not to continue down this particular avenue .  Of course, we tried to discuss this at length, but I had to stop to take some work calls and answer emails...

but blog etiquette is "Thou shalt not *itch" so while I was thoroughly disappointed at these daily meteor showers on my sunny good time, there was an opportunity for me where NO ONE could get to me and I rushed to take it.

I went hang gliding.

heehee it makes me giggle to even type it. Me. I did it.  Well, It was hang gliding but they had an ultralight engine on the back.  Okay it kinda looked like I sat in a lawn chair with a fan behind me; but 2300 feet in the air and then cut the engine to swoop the old light house and then roller coaster down across the Mexican sand dunes and then out over the Arch and across the Sea of Cortez told me it was a little more than that.  My pilot was fantastic and made me so comfortable that I squealed like a little girl at recess; clapping and smiling so hard that my teeth are STILL dry.  We rode tandem so I was even able to float my arms out in a Leonardo DiCaprio moment and truly be "Queen of the World".

if you look closely: no headphones =no engine! Free falling baby!

after the roller coaster tour of the dunes, we jetted back up with the birds.

buzzing "lovers beach" and "land's end" the top water is the Pacific and below us is the Sea of Cortez. Yes I was squealing and clapping.

This was nothing short of amazing and fabulous; all coming from the woman who doesn't like to fly. HA! What an incredible adventure and rush. It made my trip!

As did the sunny 90 degree weather, the infinity pools overlooking the ocean, the fantastic food we had both in the exquisite restaurants and dive bars but since I was with some of the best people on this Earth, it would take more than a few phone calls and emails to totally wreck this marvelous time.

Now for the giggle and point segment:

We went to an upscale new place and were surrounded by "Beautiful people" (just ask em) Chock full of cute little bunnies in Kim Kardashian shoes who stumbled due to the six inch heels and drinks being tossed down as fast as could be on flat little tummies that hadn't seen food since the previous Sunday.  Now, they are adorable little things but when you put on those shoes and wear bippy shirts as dresses so that it is physically impossible to tuck your hair behind your ears and NOT show everyone your fresh Brazilian wax job... you lose a little bit of class.  Actually it zooms out the window faster than a gum wrapper while traveling the Audubon in a convertible. Of course they are seated to our right and are clinking their glasses and loudly "WOO"-ing everything from "It's Saturday" and "We'll be friends forever"  to "I got a straw" and "There's a lemon in my water"

We began to giggle and point and think of things for them to toast: underpants topping the list.  THEN one of them decided she was tired... or uncomfortable or in pants because she put her legs on the bench seat she was parked in, and propped one knee up. WAY up.  Oh yeah, she pulled a Sharon Stone and my husband almost spit his drink and fell out of his chair.  We immediately began to play speed-charades with our friends to share our fantastic new view so as not to bring attention to ourselves. We failed and so I leaned forward to say  "Our view is very different than yours" Of course at this precise moment, the band stopped playing and my voice was the loudest in the room.

"WOO!"

Then to our left was the bachelorette party. The bride to be was in... a napkin while her bridal party wore Tootsie roll wrappers. Very elegant. Lots of clinking but less "Woo"-ing.  The Mother in law must have just had some lip plumping done to go along with her new "ninnies" that were hiked up so high under chin; much higher would have caused hearing impairment.  Anyway, she seemed to be having some difficulty drinking with her new pouty mouth because she needed a lobster bib and lots of napkins.  Thank God for the dress of the bride.  They pulled right off and SHE got more drinks.  The one seated closest to my poor overstimulated husband had a fetish: she insisted on tuning her nipple like a radio dial.  Apparently she was having trouble getting a station.  Cheech would have helped her I'm sure. Opera? Jazz? Latino rhythms?  Nay ~ my man does TALK radio....Anyone got a "porn yeah" for me? YyyyyyEAhhhhhhh.....

And last but not least was the blue moon: no secret there.  A woman of about my age who had been doing shots of tequila at the bar since we had arrived and was now "seated for dinner" which was basically lemons and salt: "WOO!" someone must have made a comment to her about the lack of material to her dress and how short it was.  Whenever the waiters came with more shots, she would reach for the glass and need to tug her dress down.  Anyhow, in her Cuervo haze, she stood up and announced "THIS short" and mooned her friends.  and the restaurant.  The "ladies" to our right toasted her with a loud "WOO"

Our bill came.

"WOO"

then the taxi

"WOO-HOO!"

and at last our lovely balcony with the ocean calming waving good night.

woo.

Holy Crap! I didn't forget you. Just been crazy busy and went away for a few days.  Wait just WAIT til you hear what I did!!! LOL some of you will have much to say about it... others... just smile alongside of me.

My intentions are to hide away this weekend and write until my nubbies fall off.  I can't wait. I have one that I believe will be really good and another that is fighting me a little but WANTS to be awesome. I swear, sometimes I feel like these stories are like children!

Anyway, hang on. It's almost the weekend and we ALL love the sound of that.

I've missed you guys too. Thanks for checking in on me.  Hope you can sit with me soon.
Be good to you.
Love,
Tess

A chat about bad dreams

It loomed over the woman's bed.  Carol was paralyzed.  The creature lowered itself  next to her, its breath warm and foul.  Three overly long fingers reached up to pull back the blanket she had childishly scooched under to cover her head as if playing peek-a-boo. It sighed; a gurgling wet noise, then spoke:

"I'm not the monster you have made me.  No one is ever meant to get hurt but sometimes you see, there is collateral damage.  Is it any different for your big business that gobbles up the small independent boutiques? You shrug and say that is the cost of business or Capitalism. Is it any less bloody when what flows all too freely is red or green? It is what you call survival. Is the fear any less real whether it is to lose a livelihood or a life? It is what you should realize is truth. 

 I am the bogeyman, living under the bed or in the closet I believe your lore states.  This is not true.  I live in your mind. You give me power and when I can no longer work with you, I must move on.  There is no guarantee where my next home will be or when I will find it, so I must make sure I have enough to live on.  Sound familiar? You struggle with your economy every day in this manner. Unless you are part of your government.  Then rules don't apply.

So I am MUCH better than a politician.  Give me that? I am appealing to your adult logic, in case you hadn't noticed because to deal with what you "remember" as a child is useless for our discussion.  You fight for predators in the wild.  You demand room on this planet for all creatures great and small.... like it or not, I am one.

When you were a child, Carol, you and I met. You insisted I lived on the top shelf in your dressing closet at the little house on the avenue.  Do you remember?"

The woman  was too afraid to move.

"Carol~ the thing about dialogue is that it is between TWO.  Do you remember?"  It leaned forward and spoke more slowly, slightly irritated; its mouth pulling and tearing small holes of light through its dark body.

Carol found the strength to nod which pleased the beast and it sat back, continuing to speak.

"Right, good. So we met and you didn't like me. I tried very hard not to scare you.  I came to you when you were in your deepest sleep.  I watched you for days. I wasn't sure if you were up to giving what I needed from you but you have proven to be helpful Carol; very helpful and I am grateful for all you have given. I know it hasn't always been easy. Dreams are never easy to give up"

It reached out and affectionately attempted to pat her hand. This time however, the woman recoiled and a whimper snuck from her throat.  

"Now, now. Don't be a sissy pants. I am not new to you Carol.  I have always been here. I am trying to be reasonable and help us work better together.  We have been together for so very long and I just hate to think that like "THAT"....

 ~ its hand shot up as if to catch a fly.  The woman jumped. Her eyes were wide and round.

"We would have to... terminate... our... association and I would have to go elsewhere to live." The words were deliberate and clear.

 Carol shivered.

"You understand me Carol? I believe you do. I know how hard it is for you to use verbiage sometimes.  What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

A wicked wry smile slid across the space where a face should have been.  The creature rarely took a consistent shape, preferring instead, to morph and shift.  The eye-wholes acted like LED lights, changing from pale red to a soft white depending on the inference of the diction: angry or threatening was red, needy, coy or  coaxing was the lighter.  There was no nose and it's mouth appeared only when it needed to speak or eat.  Then a gash that was filled with tiny, zipper-spaced teeth held in by strands of shadows... or flesh....  appeared. It almost never spoke to Carol.  Not at first.  It would only come in her dreams and act as a shadow.  Then it began to feed.  It gnawed at her mind during her sleep leaving fragmented nightmares and disjointed incoherent thoughts.  She eventually began to see it most everywhere she went; the shadow man, this bogeyman.  It devoured her sanity over the course of her life, leaving her with inaccurate bogus diagnoses of mental disorder which launched her in and out of hospitals.  It crippled Carol but refused to let her go to just be broken somewhere and finish her life.  It insSISTED on staying with her, feeding from her.

"So we come to the point of our chat." it bubbled through its gummy lips.

It scooted closer and placed its limbs on either side of the woman.  It seemed to sniff her, evaluating its next move carefully.

"I can't have you not dreaming Carol.  Your insomnia is killing me. Literally. You need to fix that Carol and soon. Or I will have to take drastic measures.  Do you recall the LAST time I took drastic measures?"  

The mass leaned in so close that it drenched the woman in the cold of night.  Carol felt the cold slimy tendrils of horror slide under her skin and creep in between her veins as it waltzed in to her, simply making room  in her body for itself; not unlike a child that scoots in between two parents on a couch....a tantrum-ish "Make room for me" wiggle.  Nausea and bile scurried up her throat like a hot spiking scream.  She twisted and shuddered in her bed, the sick eventually spilling out on to the floor.

"Carol." it tsked in an acidic whisper. "You know what tantrums get you?  Nothing but heartache" and it proved it to her by resting a hand on her chest.  The woman gasped and arched against the pain.  The tears were hot and frustrated, streaming her cheeks.  The monster smiled and drank them almost tenderly.

"Sleep Carol.It's what we all need to survive."  It sighed softly and stroked the woman's sweaty brow.

Carol heard rustling outside the door and from beyond the window a bird began to wake and sing.  The monster shrugged sadly and drifted away, melting into what was left of the midnight shadows appearing now only as an outline of the windowpane along the wall as day broke.

Angrily the woman clutched the sheets.  She swiped at her mouth on the pillowcase and turned her body to the side.  More tears came.  

It wasn't long before she heard footsteps outside her door and the clack of her chart as the doctor reviewed it, muttering softly while the night nurse spoke of the patient's continued restlessness and "night terrors". Carol could imagine the doctor's face as he shook his head, discouraged.  The knob twisted and he strode in with a fake cheerful voice and friendly disposition.

"Good morning Sunshi...Ooops seems you had another seizure last night and got a little sick.  I'll have Nancy take care of you here... NANCY~ " 

The night nurse came in and gazed at the disheveled, dirty woman and sighed.  "I'll take care of her right away.  Carol honey, sit tight. I'll get you some clean things."

The doctor went to the clean side of the room and pulled up a chair.  "Carol? Nancy says you have been very restless in your sleep. "

Carol rolled her exhausted eyes slowly toward him.  Her voice almost a squeak. "Not sleeping" she whispered.

"Yes. Well how about if I help you with that?  I can write for something to help you sleep."

The woman spewed forth a new wave of tears.

"Carol. It's all right to need a little help sleeping.  Your chart says it's been days.  It's not healthy for you.  You want to get better right?  You want to go home to your family? I'm sure your daughter misses you very much Carol."

A sob hitched in her dry throat.  The man wiped at her brow and smiled. "I know you do.  You've been through an awful lot.  It's normal to have bad dreams and fight sleep.  Do you want to talk about the bad dreams? Is it the bogeyman?" He chuffed a little as if he were trying to soothe a frightened child.

Nancy had returned and tossed open the window to relieve some of the stink as she effortlessly changed Carol's clothing to soft pants and a "have a day" tee shirt.  A slight breeze puffed through the room and shifted the shadows.

"Something to help me sleep." she said slowly watching the shapes shift in the room as if waiting.

The man smiled and wrote something down and flipped a look at Nancy.  He clicked his pen and stood abruptly.  

"I'm glad we had this chat Carol.  You will feel so much better."

He turned back to her and leaned in closely.

"We'll all feel better Carol." he hissed.  She glanced up to see his eyes flash a soft subtle white as the retinas and pupils melted away like cookies drowning in milk.

"Carol.."Nancy interjected causing the doctor to stiffen and brush passed her.

"Carol, Megan is here..." but there was a high pitched giggle and squeal and the little girl jumped in to the room and on to the bed .

"Moooooommy!" the little girl buried her face in the shoulder of the restrained, "damaged" woman.  "Oh Mommy, I couldn't wait to get here.  I had SUCH bad dreams last night! The bogeyman came and he sat on my bed and he spoke to me~ Oh Mommy it was SO awful! He came AGAIN! I want him to stay away forever! I HATE THE BOGEYMAN!"

 And tears dripped down her smooth tiny face off her little pudgy nose."

"Me too, Doll.  But I will sleep tonight and I will have a chat with him about bad dreams."

And when the visit was over, the little girl perky and reassured, Carol lay silently watching the sun slowly backed away from the day making room for darker things.