I remember that day. It was hot and we slept heavily during the sunny hours. When the big ball began to dip, Mama woke us. We were lazy and she had to prod us to get up. Much needed to be done as always.
"It's time to go" she whispered. We were still young and understood only a little. We were more in tune with grabbing each other and playing. My brother and sister were just babies but I was a little older and had responsibilities. Sometimes though, we forgot about our situation. We laughed until our lungs burned and were carefree. Mama pretended to be stony, impenetrable, but I saw a small smile creep across her guarded, sharp features. Most of the time she let us go occasionally whirling around and hissing for us to stop or pay attention. This was not one of those times. And we all seemed invigorated by the sweet, damp autumnal night. The shadows were as crisp as the air but we weren't cold. Not today at least. It was tough living like we did. Moving a lot; never really wanted or accepted. I was too young then to see it for what it was. At some level it was always an adventure. That was how Mama saw it. Some days were easy. Then there were the others.
It had to be so hard on her; sad and yet she made sure we laughed much more often than we cried. She could take the good and make it great. Bath time became a water war where we were left gasping in joy. A long time without a meal always ended in a feast. She saved us. Daily. And she taught us important things: caution, strength and the one I recognize painfully even now - protect those you love.
It had been so harsh for so long. We had been traveling for what seemed like weeks; not finding shelter or food. We were hungry and afraid. And oh so cold. Mama hugged us against the changing wind and soothed us with stories of better days. She cried in her dreams; wishing better things for us. At last she had to make the second hardest decision in her life; she left us alone to find something- some place safe. I remember the surge of bravery and love and telling her I would be fine. I would protect us. I could barely encircle my brother and sister but I huddled them against the cruel world and I soothed them with stories and dreams. I knew now why she cried in the dark. At last she woke us. I was overjoyed to see her and hear her voice. Her eyes were sharp and clear as she told us she'd found food and we could follow her.
There was no telling twice. We all jumped up and trailed after her. Our weak bodies finding speed in hope and the promise of nourishment. We had to sneak and be silent. We knew that by watching Mama creep around. I could smell something amazing and my shrunken belly shouted in anticipation. I doubled over and tried to hide it.
"Patience baby" she whispered. We got closer to the garage and saw where someone had cast aside barbecue leftovers. My mouth was a waterfall. My baby brother actually moaned as it tickled his nose with the promise of a full tummy. My sister dropped to the ground whimpering.
"Hang on Darlings. Please just wait. I ..." and she turned to huddle us again giving very specific and fierce instructions. Her grip was tighter than normal. I should have known but I was too young and eager; selfishly fantasizing about sandwiches and meat. Then she kissed each of us and like a football team she nodded and we broke, scurrying to gather all that we could. We knew where to meet so that we could share at last in a feast for our tiny, loving family.
I didn't know what the glare was at first; the flashlight Then the shouts roared inside my ears. I heard her screaming at me. It tore through my hunger and struck my soul as she made the hardest decision ever:
"Move Baby! Get your sister's hand. Your brother is close. Run. Get away. I love..."
There was a clap of thunder and smoke. I smelled hot metal. More angry voices came at us and we were rushing with what we could carry into the bush.
"Got one of em! Hurry 'fore they git away... THERE THERE..." more thunder and whooshing around our heads. My heart was throbbing and my mouth was dry. I kept running until my lets gave out, all but dragging my sister and screeching at my brother to keep up. We ducked and crawled under a large stump of a tree that had fallen. It wasn't ideal but we had stayed in worse places. I let them eat. Then they slept as they should. I listened to the night. I thought I heard the men stomping around congratulating themselves on the murder of my mother. I felt the tears rushing down my face. The food tasted of salt and misery but I had to do it, needing the energy. After an eternity, I dreamt she came back to us in the morning.
" Mama." I called to no one.
I shrugged those childish thoughts off and gathered my brother and sister. The sun would be rising soon and we needed to move on. I looked back and whispered "I love you" into the morning light. We began to lumber across the road when I heard a car rumbling upon us. I hustled them into the long grass thinking the men were coming. We ducked and sat silently at the side of the road. Peering out, I glimpsed a small boy craning his neck to gawk and point at us
"Mama! Look! a family of raccoons!"
I looked at him jealous of his precious, happy family.
This one brought on some tears. I saw while driving to work, a dead family of raccoons in the road one day and it really struck me. I'm a sap that way... so this is my little homage to that lost family.
Hug your babies. Love.
Cheers.
