Hello.
Let me introduce myself as my mom says it's polite. I'm Mulligan. Some of you know me as Tall Man, Stilts or Shithead but that was just when I ate off the counter after Mommie said not to~ but in my defense... she DID go out and leave the delicious chicken unattended... oh and then there was the pie... and the butter... but I digress. Let's move on and stay positive.
We have recently moved to a very fun place. I used to know it by the phrase "Go Lake", but now it is "Home". I have made many friends. There is Fat Gus who does keg stands off my mom's hummingbird feeder. There are other squirrels and chipmunks, birds with all SORTS of colors which are fun to chase and shout at. But to be clear, I am just protecting the seeds and bark butter that Mommie puts out. She tells me all the time "not to be greedy" when I eat so I am simply sharing wisdom. My mommie is wise. Oh! And there are these really cool, tall puppies that are tan and have long faces with stubby white tails or they are tan and white spotted. They stare at me and I think they are shy but Mom doesn't let me play with them and I think she is selfish. Please have a discussion with her on this for my sake because I just KNOW we could be deer friends. Haha ~ dog humor.
Now I believe you humans just celebrated a party time. I know this because there were a lot of people at my "home" and they all made yummy food, wobbly drinks and loud bangers with lights. Mommie says those are okay and are just "fireworks" but it is scary lightening in a box for me and my sister. We hid in the fort she built for us under the desk until it stopped. Then my sister made a scared tee-tee on the rug, but Mommie wasn't even mad. She just made big breaths and told us she loved us. Then she cleaned up. She's cool like that.
So I am here to tell you it exists. I have never seen it but Mommie sometimes whispers about it and so I think it's scary. She just calls it.."He" I think He comes at night. Mommie and Daddy do their best to clean up and keep He from coming to our home. I wasn't sure what would happen if He did.. but I am now and don't understand all the fuss. He arrived late last night and rooted around in Mommie's stinkybin. I would get in BIG trouble for this. He knocked over over the bin and sorted it for Mommie ~ all over the yard. I thought He did a great job and am unsure as to why Mommie muttered dirty words and slammed things around. He pulled out the yogurt container, making sure it was empty by crushing it at the bottom. Although it made a blob on the grass, He did his best to clean it all up. THEN He designated a special spot for your food holders and those sticks or scoops you eat with. They must not taste very good so He just chewed them up and left them in a spitty pile. I guess that is recycling at its finest. At last, He discovered the piece de resistance. He spread out the butcher paper which wrapped Uncle Chas' pork ribs, and on it, put the bones, some shrimp butts from an appetizer He found, and a few leftover, dirty vegetables (not MY personal favorite ~ but from all appearances, He seemed to enjoy them immensely; so to each his own). Well, He had quite a picnic right there on the lawn. I know how you guys like dessert so I thought it was nice that He got some too. He ate the lightening boxes. Or maybe he was just flossing (There you go Aunt Gwen ~ woodland creatures have good dental hygiene. Fear not). In the end, and after all He did, Mommie just got new black bags and shoved everything in them. Each armful earned a different swear word but her favorite began with "F". She messed up what He had worked through the night to accomplish so if you could just tell her to go easy on Him next time, I'd appreciate it because between you and me, I DID benefit a little since she couldn't clean it all up at once so I helped as fast as I could. I am a good boy for that.
>Burp<
And the ribs WERE amazing.
Happy Holiday.
Love,
Mulligan.
