Sorrow

I remember when I found out you were sick. I was mad. I swore and professed the great injustice of it all.
You?  You laughed at me and said it could be beat; like any monster.
And you got up every single day with something good to say TO everyone, ABOUT everyone, FOR everyone.  YOU were the one who gave us the energy to face it. To face you; when you became less, smaller, weaker.

I recall not being able to come to see you; not wanting to because I couldn't do it without tears or something sad to say; something worse to feel.  And so we emailed; you and I. We face booked and there were a couple of calls.  You made me laugh.  You made it easy for me.  But I still cried.  I still was mad, jamming fists into swollen puffy eyes and feeling dry sobs in my throat as I hated what it was doing to you my friend.
THIS wasn't the man I swam with on those warm Saturday nights.  THIS wasn't the man who said I made the best margaritas... mixed drinks... whatever our poison was for the night and shook his glass so I would go get "just one more".

This wasn't the man and that was the ONLY man of you I wanted to see; to remember.

How selfish and childish I feel when I think I would like one more day, one more chance, one more...tomorrow; to say what I should have, wanted to, was afraid or too sad to, when it was painful and exhausting for you to sit up, to take a breath, to hold hands.

I cry for your lovely wife who has had to be stronger than I will ever be.  I worry for your little boy who will miss you; tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

I am glad you rest now; in peace.

God Bless you Griff.

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I will be back in a few days. Be well. Be happy.