Bad and Good.

He was a jerk.  Michael was thoughtless, selfish, needy, careless, and she loved him; fully, passionately, unconditionally. She excused his behavior; laughed when he insulted her.  Tina was a fool.  It wasn't unusual for him to tell her on a date that he had seen someone better looking than her and wanted to buy the woman a drink.  It wasn't uncommon for him to go over and strike up a touchy flirtatious conversation ending with  "I'd LOVE to go home with you or have you come home with me but she's just too unstable; too needy. Hell, she'd probably cut herself."  If he had a meaningful conversation with Tina, it always ended with the pontification that women were just too weak and stupid.  If they would only think with their vaginas and harness that power, they would win the world. Nice and classy.

Should they get to spend a quiet evening at home, Michael would spend it comparing her to the "Beautiful people" on television and listing her physical flaws:

  "You, my dear, DEFINITELY would only fit in Business Class seats!" and smack her rump laughing heartily to himself, shaking his head.  "Good one" he'd mutter.

Tina would quietly go back to the bedroom, inspecting her backside from all different angles.  She would smooth her clothes over her shapely frame, thinking of outfits he would approve of, colors that he liked.  If it wasn't a micro skirt with a plummeting front scoop showing all but her nipples and heels that stank of "Come get me", he considered it marmish.  This he would declare from behind his cigar or over the top of his grand marnier while scratching his ample stomach. To most women, he was a pig.  He could be charming and he was devastatingly handsome, but Michael had somehow mistaken that for a free pass to be a complete douche-canoe.  Tina would sigh or smile softly, working desperately to convince herself he only wanted her to be and look her best. For more than three years she did this. I think it was three years. I guess it doesn't matter now.  From where I sat, which was upstairs from that sweet lovely girl, I would have loved the opportunity to beat some sense in to that jackass.  Countelss nights she would come up to my place, a bottle of alchohol free wine in her hand wiggling her glass a mischievious sideways smile on her pretty mouth.

"Let's totally not get wasted!" she'd hoot and plop down on my couch dumping the grape juice into her elegant glass and taking a hearty swig. I'd sit down next to her and wait.

"Need to vent?"

"Need to scream.  Want to commit sin and spend the rest of HIS life in jail."

She gulped again.

"Why do you do this to yourself Doll? Why do you let him do this to you?  You are miles above him in class, in looks and in humanity.  He has yet to register on the scale.  He...

"...be nice..." she would laugh and gulp some more.  Tina drank but her rule of thumb was"If I really want it, I drink everything else." I quickly understood the value in this.

"Then I have nothing to say." I would pout and she would giggle again, take a drink

We would flip topics, sigh heavily over our lives and its missteps.  We had the relationship she should have had with pathetic Michael. These tender moments when she would lay her head on me and relax; really relax and sleep so sweetly on my chest were burdensome to him.  If it wasn't some hip pounding grunting sex fest he was lost to just what a good time was.  Tina and I laughed over the news, we spoke of our days, we listened to each other.  If not for Michael, we'd have been in love.

I first noticed the sad change when the bottle of wine was real.  She passed out on my couch and threw up the next day.  I moved her to my bed and kept the blinds closed.  I made her a grilled cheese and got her a coke and her sunglasses.  She mustered up strength and went out with the putz beccause he had yelled at her for being stupid.  He had gotten tickets to something then he proceeded to berate her and tell her how embarrassed he was to be with her because of how awful she looked.  He dumped her early, went to console his wounded black heart with another naive lamb and Tina cried in my arms until sunday.  We walked through the park that morning.  We ate lunch and she laughed.  We napped during football games and ordered pizza for supper.  She didn't miss his calls or ignore his texts.  He made none.  He had found something better for now.  I tried not to notice her weight loss.  I chose not to look at the dark circles under her eyes.. I tried my best to make her smile and I relished her laughter which came less and less frequently.

Michael just kept demanding.  He wanted her to be waiting so he could cancel at the last minute.  He insulted her openly and spoke so harshly in public that other tables and couples often stared or winced at her mistreatment.  She cowered like a beaten dog.

I didn't know who was more pathetic.

Tina came less often and when I WAS blessed with her company, she spoke too softly, avoided my eyes and rushed away like a delicate humingbird.  Once in a while Michael would greet me at the door, snear and usher her in.  The berage would begin immediately.  My blood would boil toward him as my heart broke for her.

Their arguing kept me awake and though I'm not one to talk outside of class, I wonder if he began to use his fists as much as he used his mouth.  I heard an awful lot of crying and thumping.  It made him smaller in my mind that he would have to physically and metally abuse someone.

That night I thought they were at it again.  The door slammed after an ugly exchange.  I was drowning my sorrows on the couch, missing my friend, the woman I wanted to hold, protect and love. I waited for her to knock on my door; hopeful that I could mend her wounds; praying I could help her, but it didn't happen. I pouted, drank more and hated Michael. I paced, roamed the halls and cursed him; even fatasized about beating the shit out of him and shouting what an idiot he was for treating her that way before I staggered to my own bed and let the spinning take over.

The pounding on the door forced me to open my eyes.  Sunlight stabbed them.  There was more yelling.  I cupped my head, whispered a vehement "Jesus Christ" and rolled over. It continued and got louder.  At last, I dragged myslef from my bed to the door.  My brain screamed and threw itself agains my skull in a rumbling pulse, even my hands ached. Each joint in my body seemed to shout at me. Blearily taking a survey of myself, I looked like I had lost a rumble in the jungle.  I wandered to the top of the steps and  peered  over the balcony.  "Hey! Can ya keep it to a dull roar you fucked up love birds?"  My voice cracked, my throat dry.  My lips and body trembled from low blood suger and dehydration.  The man in the dark suit threw me.  It was a cop.  He glowered and me, turned and took the steps two at a time; in front of me before I could retract my statement or retreat to my bed.

"Sir" he stated flatly.

"Hey man. I'm sorry. I didn't know..."

"Didn't know what?"

"You were a cop. I didn't know you were a cop. I apologize. I thought you were the couple downstairs."

"Loud were they?" he watched every move I made like a lion ready to pounce.

"Yeah. To say the least.  They were fighting a lot lately.  Well he just yells and I think he throws tantrums... I hope that's all he throws.. "

"You think there is domestic abuse?"

"Wouldn't surprise me but it also wouldn't surpise me to hear Tina wouldn't press charges or admit to a single blow"

The eyebrows went up. "Oh?  You know Ms. Harkins well?"

I thought quicly about what I'd just said.  Had I misspoken? "We are friends."

"Just friends?"

"I'd have loved to date her but she only has eyes for him." I jutted my chin to indicate the voice I heard ~ his.
"I just listened to her rant or vent. I was the friend he should have been."

"Ever argue about that friendship?"

"Huh?"

The officer repeated himself and glared at me.  It made me feel heavy, tired and nauseated. I wanted Advil, water, a grilled cheese and my bed.  Tina would be nice too. I sighed and rubbed my head.  "No. She loves me as a friend.  I guess I'm just one of those guys."

"Loved"

"Huh?"

"tina is dead."

"What?" my stomach lurched. My heart raced to the top of my throat. I grabbed the railing. "What do you mean?"  I heard my voice raising and getting faster. "When? How did this happen? What are you talking about..." I pushed passed him and rushed down the stairs. Ignoring his shouts for me to stop.
I burst through the door and slid in blood. I grabbed at the doorway and shouted her name.  Her body was battered and broken. Her neck at an ugly angle.  Her eyes stared flatly at the ceiling.

"Oh JESUS ~ NO TINA NO!"  I dropped to my knees and held my face.  The tears were hot, burning down my cheeks. I felt bile rise up into my mouth.  I lurched for the closest trashcan and got sick.  The cops grabbed me dragging me and my precious sick can out into the hall.

'LISTEN you idiot! this is a God Damn crime scene!"

I just slumped recklessly the hall saying her name over and over and heaving into the can; a stupor of shock, sadness and intoxication. My beautiufl friend. My secret love. My Tina.

It was the sound of that bastard's voice that drew me  up and back in to this dimension. I almost snapped my neck to catch a glimpse of him.  I shouted and rose up. I began to berate him, spilling my rage as violently as I had done my alcohol from the night before.  I rushed him and began swinging; demanding to know why he'd done it.  Why wasn't it enough to cheat on her, to belittle her in public, to dispise her so openly... 

"You had to KILL HER?"

The police yanked at me, ushering me quickly up to my apratment where I sobbed, paced and told them everything I knew and more that I suspected.  I shared the secrets Tina and I had kept.  When I was done, the police were nodding and flipping looks at each other.

Downstairs, Michael was talking softly.  He spoke of her childish behavior, her neediness and possessiveness.  He talked about how he had tried to break things off but she was desperate and well... too plain to really have anyone else notice her.  He spoke of his chivalrous gifts of attention.  He verbally beat her up even though she was broken unrepsonsive on the floor.  Nothing new. She was defenseless yet again. His claim was that it had been he who had left after the arument.  He'd gone to a strip club to meet a friend but no he didn't know her name.  He just called her "Boots".

The reporters were outside already.  The case drew quite a bit of local buzz.  Michael of course was known in the restaurant world and in all the late night titty bars and slut clubs. All in the biz knew he would pay almost anything for a set of candy apple red lips and big boobs to smear their oiled up bodies on him... and all he'd ever said about Tina was negative and hateful and .. untrue. But it got him some lap dances and a few phone numbers.

I think he was truly shocked to be convicted.  I think he thought his pretty smile and charm would set him free.  He hired a cute little lawyer and whispered in her ear a lot.  she blushed, playfully slapped at him and shook her head.  Yet at the end of it all, she went home.  He went to jail.

Tina actually had a will.  She left me her diary and all of the knick knacks she bought on our silly trips.  In her own writing she said she loved me. She knew who the better man was and she was trying to get out.  She just couldn't walk away from the bad boy.  She thought maybe he would be good and had bet I would understand..

Well those words crushed me. It made me regret that night.  The night I went downstairs after Michael had stormed out.  The night I argued with her and got mad.  The one and only time I did so. I was sad that I had used Michaels scarf to wrap around her throat, furious she didn't love me.  I was miserable that I had used her own knife to cut her, pleading with her to make me stop. Remorse cloyed at my heart when I hastily and carelessly used bleach to smear the DNA evidence around, distorting any chance of a true read,  and wiping up some of the mess with the shirt I'd seen him come home in. Even a pang of guilt knciked at my heart for leaving leaving the bloody shoes in his closet that  I had borrowed the Thursday before.  He never knew because, he was never there. Not like me.

Tina thought the bad boy could be good.  She was dead wrong.


Gotcha! heehee. I really loved how this turned out. I agree with you. It IS broken and creepy. 
:)  Thank you for coming over to sit with me a while. I always enjoy it, and you.  Until next time.