Yeah, I know. I've been bad. Well, I've been worse but yes let's all nod and admit I've been bad. For those of you who are so close, it IS official. After twenty years, I am leaving my job. It is for the best and has been a long time coming. It has been very hard and I am very scared of the new life ahead of me. I am grateful for the support and encouragement my dearest friends have given me. I will get there. I will survive and be strong, happy and satisfied again; in due time. For now, I am stumbling through the day to day on baby giraffe legs; trying to figure out what I want to be, who I want to be; when I grow up (although I heard if you reach forty and haven't that you really don't have to ~ that would be MY choice). As you can imagine, I haven't felt much like writing nor have I been able to get things down on paper that I like or can manipulate. It will come, I just need a little time, space and understanding. Change is scary; the scariest monster I can think of right now.
So we will change gears a little because blog etiquette is "thou shalt not aire dirty laundry or complain" oops.
Great. Now I've blinned ( blog-sinned)
How about a little levity? I came up to Promises after a seminar and have spent a wonderful couple of weeks here. I even got the courage to branch out to some new trails not too far away.
Today I got up early, kissed the hubby and zoomed off in Gizmo. I arrived there just fine after only two wrong turns (remember ~ GPS only works if you have a signal....) and set out. The trails were well groomed and tight. They had just enough shade and woods mixed with meadows and flowering thickets. Gorgeous. Only one thing was missing: trail markers. So I got to prove to myself how awesome I am with a compass. Holy Hannah! I hiked my butt off and wandered around in the woods Blair Witch style. In fact, I came to an old house; a creepy ugly stone gargoyle that loomed in the woods; not one road around; just an old out building with old machinery inside as a sidekick. I confess here that I snooped. Not only that, but I also came across countless ideas for stories. Alas, I was so busy playing Magellan that I couldn't write them all down. So as I was twisting this way and that wondering if I was still in the US, I heard the thumping; low and steady.
As you can imagine, my imagination began to work overtime as to what it was. It was only natural that since I was afraid of the noise, I would hike toward it right? Riiiiiight. And so now you know that I would be the first one offed in a slasher film. But back to the woods; shady, quiet and stiff as if waiting for me to discover at last the ancient secrets it has had to hide for oh so long. I held my breath and rounded a huge rock formation (I was certain it would have been used for Myan sacrifice if they were "lake lovers". I think they were more beach goers though...) and smiled to myself; then guffawed at my stupidity. I had hiked parallel to the trail I wanted all along (Very good) but had managed to hoof it all the way down to the main road and the local high school marching band practice. (Very silly but hilarious) adding about four or five miles to my trip. I turned and headed back in stumbling upon my desired trail and getting back on track.
AFter returning I headed down to the southwest system of trails which were only about three miles complete. I am looking for a new system so I can take my little shadow, Birdie. She was actually to accompany me but after discovering that she and her brother had broken in to Nag (my pack) and eaten all my "hiking candy" (which is nothing more than oats, agave nectar, cinnamon and almond butter) I was ticked and punished her by making her watch me pack up and leave...Yeah I know. How many times can you sadly say "Childish Tess. Childish." sigh. BUT I did find some awesome new trails that she could handle. She will have a great time and I'm excited to take her out. Winston? Uh... no. He would take two steps, snot on everything, whiz on some bushes and want to go home. I think he would consider his new territory marked and want a cookie ... or some friggin hiking candy. Lil stinker.
I know it's not heehaw funny but it's cute and I wanted to share it with you. Sorry the draft popped up early for those of you who were here for Sunday's post. Oops mah bad.
But I thank you for coming, sitting with me a little bit and hopefully smiling. I have missed you all. It's nice to see some of you after so long; welcome back. For those of you who are new, welcome friends. Until next time, be good to yourself. You're the best friend you have.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Friday, August 1, 2014
Tall Enough
I remember when the kids felt like giants because they could touch the top of the kitchen table; or when we had to raise the chain on the swing outside because they were too big.
My toddler Winston had not experienced such a phenomenon. Not until today. Well, not today specifically; you see, it began on the porch at Promises with a chipmunk. I am not a big fan of the little farts. They are cute yes, they chirp and have been cartoon-ized but the fact is those little monsters tend to destroy my flowerbeds and garden soooo I'm not a fan. Nope. Anyway, it seemed that Chip or Dale wanted something desperately from inside the wood pile that sits on our porch. There is a bigger wood pile out along the edge of the property but for some reason, THIS was where all the action needed to be. So said varmint ran up the rail, along the porch and stopped. Just long enough for Winston who was snoozing peacefully in his lawn chair (yes he has one. It's a little kiddie one, but it keeps him off the laps of the unwanting and outta my hair if you catch my drift. All the little pig wants is his own chair. It seems such a small sacrifice but I digress...) until Dale (there I picked one. We'll call him Dale) chirped. That was it. Pride seems to be the second most powerful driving force inside my porky toddler taking a backseat only to "hunger" and it goes in quotes because Winston imagines himself "hungry" at all times. ALL times. Well he jumped out of his chair, half slid half ran to the wood and began to attack it. Literally. He bit the wood and barked and the deck. He scratched, snarled and even stood on two feet to "tightrope walk" along the BACK of the woodpile so he could reach the horrified rodent. This went on for ninety minutes. Is there footage? Oh yes but it doesn't do it justice and besides, I don't want my laugh to be the only thing you hear. I couldn't stop. I know. Bad Mommie. Well maybe what went on later was my Karma punishment. Anyway, no jumping ahead. I let him go and bark and attach the wood until he began to get hoarse and I was afraid he was going to lose another tooth (you all remember how the FIRST one came out right? Biting my vacuum? Well ambushing it but that is an old one) or rip out his nails in addition to the fact that I wasn't excited about cleaning up all the splinters, bark and mess he was creating.
So I opened the cookie jar. That was all it took and ZOOM he was inside licking his chops and wagging his tale at the speed of snacks. Chip-what? Who is in the woodpile? Uhhhh Mom? Cookies. Yeah. We don't worry about the porch now. We worry about the jar. The COOKIE jarrrr keep getting it out Mommie. Yeahhh baby. Coooooookies......
And Dale escaped with his life.
Winston slept and snored, drooled and dreamt of chasing, catching and by the lip smacking ~ eating of Dale.
We packed up and went home dreams unfulfilled at some level but realities were kept happy. Cookies.
The weekend ended and life began again; work for all and busy days lined up. When I got home, I let the toddlers out of jail to water and fertilize various spots in my yard. I looked at the clock and realized I was running late to pick up my daughter from work. SHOOT! So instead of putting them back in jail, I shook my finger, told them to be good and dashed out.
I know. What did I REALLY expect? "Mommie is going out ~ YEEEEESS!!"
I am convinced that Birdie put him up to it. "Just come over here and let's push the chair up to the counter, get what we need and no one will know. "
Winston: "Really?"
Birdie: "Really. That easy to get a snack. You wanna eat?"
Winston: "Uhhh YEAH! Now WHAT do I do?"
and history was barked out. The chair was moved just enough to allow a small adventurous and apparently STARVING piglet to jump on the chair, get up on the counter and provide access to all produce: tomatoes, lemons, limes, apples, and pears. All of these are fair game for my little pork mouth baby who sampled it all, decided that tomatoes are the BEST and devoured the entire bunch.
I returned with my daughter. I walked right passed the carnage. Birdie was jumping furiously and chuffing. A certain signal that she is telling on her brother. He is nowhere to be found.
"What? WHAT?"
She begins to run and hit the chair with her paws. I look and see .... bites, scraps, torn produce bags, tomato juice and seeds. The trail drags along my tile like a blood trail in a crime scene. I Agatha Christied up and began sleuthing. He was not hard to find. The perpetrators trails ran up the stairs, down the hall to my room where he had obviously mangled at least one tomato on the carpet, taken the carrion up on to my bed and polished it off on my pillow and THEN the creme de la creme. He took a gigantic produce/fiber induced mega-doo. In the bathroom. As close to the bowl as physically possible. ARE YOU MOTHERFIRETRUCKING KIDDING ME WINSTON??????
He bowed his head and sighed "I know Mommie. I KNOW!"
I pointed a furious finger at him and scolded him while having "circle time" If you know me, you know this gesture as close to flipping the bird as I get. It means I'm gonna clean your clock if you don't remove yourself from my perimeter immediately.
He got up and put himself in jail and sadly moped from behind bars. I heard a long depressed sigh escape him and in puppy ESP he sent me a message:
"I tried Mommie. I'm just not tall enough. I know where the poopie goes...."
Too bad. Too late. Bubbah, you're in the doghouse until morning.
The moon quietly visited and when the sun jump started our day, all were released from their cells to play in the yard. It was nice and fun. I came back in and opened the cookie jar. Both toddlers raced in and sat, fidgeting and snorting excitedly. I stood back and permitted them to get their own. Winston sat back down and waited. I nodded and let him go... again... no snack. I looked and felt like the worst Mommie in the world. The cookie level in the jar was critically low and with his smooshed face....
he wasn't tall enough.
Poooooor Piglet.
;)
I know, I hear that it's been too long since I've divulged some of the sordid details in my life. So this is all I have for you today. I sure hope you smiled just a little. Thanks coming over to see me. I like our time together no matter how short. Until next time, be good to yourself.
My toddler Winston had not experienced such a phenomenon. Not until today. Well, not today specifically; you see, it began on the porch at Promises with a chipmunk. I am not a big fan of the little farts. They are cute yes, they chirp and have been cartoon-ized but the fact is those little monsters tend to destroy my flowerbeds and garden soooo I'm not a fan. Nope. Anyway, it seemed that Chip or Dale wanted something desperately from inside the wood pile that sits on our porch. There is a bigger wood pile out along the edge of the property but for some reason, THIS was where all the action needed to be. So said varmint ran up the rail, along the porch and stopped. Just long enough for Winston who was snoozing peacefully in his lawn chair (yes he has one. It's a little kiddie one, but it keeps him off the laps of the unwanting and outta my hair if you catch my drift. All the little pig wants is his own chair. It seems such a small sacrifice but I digress...) until Dale (there I picked one. We'll call him Dale) chirped. That was it. Pride seems to be the second most powerful driving force inside my porky toddler taking a backseat only to "hunger" and it goes in quotes because Winston imagines himself "hungry" at all times. ALL times. Well he jumped out of his chair, half slid half ran to the wood and began to attack it. Literally. He bit the wood and barked and the deck. He scratched, snarled and even stood on two feet to "tightrope walk" along the BACK of the woodpile so he could reach the horrified rodent. This went on for ninety minutes. Is there footage? Oh yes but it doesn't do it justice and besides, I don't want my laugh to be the only thing you hear. I couldn't stop. I know. Bad Mommie. Well maybe what went on later was my Karma punishment. Anyway, no jumping ahead. I let him go and bark and attach the wood until he began to get hoarse and I was afraid he was going to lose another tooth (you all remember how the FIRST one came out right? Biting my vacuum? Well ambushing it but that is an old one) or rip out his nails in addition to the fact that I wasn't excited about cleaning up all the splinters, bark and mess he was creating.
So I opened the cookie jar. That was all it took and ZOOM he was inside licking his chops and wagging his tale at the speed of snacks. Chip-what? Who is in the woodpile? Uhhhh Mom? Cookies. Yeah. We don't worry about the porch now. We worry about the jar. The COOKIE jarrrr keep getting it out Mommie. Yeahhh baby. Coooooookies......
And Dale escaped with his life.
Winston slept and snored, drooled and dreamt of chasing, catching and by the lip smacking ~ eating of Dale.
We packed up and went home dreams unfulfilled at some level but realities were kept happy. Cookies.
The weekend ended and life began again; work for all and busy days lined up. When I got home, I let the toddlers out of jail to water and fertilize various spots in my yard. I looked at the clock and realized I was running late to pick up my daughter from work. SHOOT! So instead of putting them back in jail, I shook my finger, told them to be good and dashed out.
I know. What did I REALLY expect? "Mommie is going out ~ YEEEEESS!!"
I am convinced that Birdie put him up to it. "Just come over here and let's push the chair up to the counter, get what we need and no one will know. "
Winston: "Really?"
Birdie: "Really. That easy to get a snack. You wanna eat?"
Winston: "Uhhh YEAH! Now WHAT do I do?"
and history was barked out. The chair was moved just enough to allow a small adventurous and apparently STARVING piglet to jump on the chair, get up on the counter and provide access to all produce: tomatoes, lemons, limes, apples, and pears. All of these are fair game for my little pork mouth baby who sampled it all, decided that tomatoes are the BEST and devoured the entire bunch.
I returned with my daughter. I walked right passed the carnage. Birdie was jumping furiously and chuffing. A certain signal that she is telling on her brother. He is nowhere to be found.
"What? WHAT?"
She begins to run and hit the chair with her paws. I look and see .... bites, scraps, torn produce bags, tomato juice and seeds. The trail drags along my tile like a blood trail in a crime scene. I Agatha Christied up and began sleuthing. He was not hard to find. The perpetrators trails ran up the stairs, down the hall to my room where he had obviously mangled at least one tomato on the carpet, taken the carrion up on to my bed and polished it off on my pillow and THEN the creme de la creme. He took a gigantic produce/fiber induced mega-doo. In the bathroom. As close to the bowl as physically possible. ARE YOU MOTHERFIRETRUCKING KIDDING ME WINSTON??????
He bowed his head and sighed "I know Mommie. I KNOW!"
I pointed a furious finger at him and scolded him while having "circle time" If you know me, you know this gesture as close to flipping the bird as I get. It means I'm gonna clean your clock if you don't remove yourself from my perimeter immediately.
He got up and put himself in jail and sadly moped from behind bars. I heard a long depressed sigh escape him and in puppy ESP he sent me a message:
"I tried Mommie. I'm just not tall enough. I know where the poopie goes...."
Too bad. Too late. Bubbah, you're in the doghouse until morning.
The moon quietly visited and when the sun jump started our day, all were released from their cells to play in the yard. It was nice and fun. I came back in and opened the cookie jar. Both toddlers raced in and sat, fidgeting and snorting excitedly. I stood back and permitted them to get their own. Winston sat back down and waited. I nodded and let him go... again... no snack. I looked and felt like the worst Mommie in the world. The cookie level in the jar was critically low and with his smooshed face....
he wasn't tall enough.
Poooooor Piglet.
;)
I know, I hear that it's been too long since I've divulged some of the sordid details in my life. So this is all I have for you today. I sure hope you smiled just a little. Thanks coming over to see me. I like our time together no matter how short. Until next time, be good to yourself.
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