The Tail

Almost twenty years ago, I was introduced; brought into the fold, if you will.  The story seemed far-fetched; impossible but it was confirmed.  My father-in-law was a fantastic catcher/player in college; with talent to make Johnny Bench green with envy.  Apparently, while visiting HIS father-in-law out on the back porch, it was pointed out that a rabbit was creating havoc in the garden; destroying all the hard work and patient tending.  The said villain was identified and mutterings, tales of woe continued.  My grandad-in-law was professing his GREAT displeasure. My father-in-law patiently listened then asked:

"Want me to get it?" .

"With what? You've got no gun here." came the sharp reply

"No but I have this..." and the great Ernesto shook his glass containing ice cubes; with a wry smile.

"You can't." came the scoff and head shake.

My father-in-law smiled a little broader and plucked the cube.

Bets were laid and aim was taken.  With lightening speed, a heavy thuck and a jump it was over.  Thumper would never devour carrot tops again.  Debts were settled but with much congratulations, back-slapping and whooping.  The murder weapon melted and no one was the wiser as to the tiny death of the varmint in the Garden of Bounty.  When this was told to me, I chuckled and politely nodded, my skepticism obvious.  But I had the corroboration, the confirmation from various witnesses and so this became part of my unquestioned family history.

Time makes a habit of flying by us but graciously fills our lives with beautiful extras: a marriage came, then another, then children and grandchildren; all blessings.  And with each blessing came an indulgence in the tale.  The story became fantastic; epic.

By the time my daughter heard the story.  My father-in-law was in the FRONT of the house and chucked the cube over the roof much like those amazing basketball shots we scream about on YouTube.  The rabbit was large and carried a deadly stare apparently growling at anyone who approached its demanded domain.

Then there was my nephew's inauguration.  The garden variety rabbit had Darwin-ed into a Jackelope the size of a  police dog with dangerous front claws; sharp as Chinese throwing stars. The Mighty Ernesto was up the road and had to save the town and ALL its gardeners from this insatiable beast for surely Pittsburgh would starve otherwise. With his bare hands, my father-in-law was granted by Christ, the power of body heat so he was able to shape the cube into a weapon so righteous as to defeat the Goliath of the Garden. The cheering and celebration went on for days.

Time also is a bandit stealing from us witnesses of corroboration which allows our unquestioned history to snowball....

When my son reached the age of "enlightenment", Thumper had morphed to the something resembling a panther that had fangs and our hero was across the river having nothing more than glacial ice surely blessed by Mother Teresa to rescue the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania from certain destruction and starvation.  I believe a holiday was named for him, the key to city was presented but he humbly declined, realizing it was his destiny as a Chosen Warrior for the good of all gardeners and farmers of our great country. 

At last, the final grandchildren made their way to the historic lesson.  It was a mammoth, woolly and tusked, enraged and storming through humanity's most treasured and protected vegetable source.  Armed with only a piece of  wood from the Ark itself, our Savior chucked it with certainty.  Shrieking through the sky with a  fiery tail like a Divine comet, the Holy weapon sliced its jugular and saved the world. Cherubs fluttered through the sky! Angels sang his praise.

And THAT is how the dinosaurs became extinct.

No witnesses needed because...

Who wouldn't believe this "tail" as the little voice in all of us says.... "Tell me again Pop-pop! I LOVE that story!"



Thank you Cheech. I couldn't (and wouldn't want to) do this without you.  The laughs, joys and strengths are endless.