Hullaballoo

 There are moments when the Universe, God or Whomever you connect with shows you something;  a reminder about what's important or a good old fashioned butt-kicking to tell you to get over yourself.   I got just such a something.

I've been struggling with what seems like a lot for what feels like a very long time.  If you know me, you know I don't ask for help; not even when I need it.  Sometimes I send a funny card or flip a crazy text ~ I figure we all have currents to paddle against in this river of life and I'd rather reach out with  a hug or a laugh rather than weigh anyone down with my leaking water wings and cement shoes. Believe it or not, laughter is wonderful medicine for me. It clears my head and channels power to my inner Wonder Woman.  I might not always be happy but I try to always be cheerful.

 I will confess that I have been rather put out with what I feel is more than my share of troubles lately.  I am feeling very put upon and angry.. maybe frustrated is better.  Add to the mix circumstances that just continue to keep me from my favorite touchstones.... I'm bent.  There. I said it... typed it at least. I notice that being away from them makes me crabby and sad. So to change direction, find positive and mend my own fences,  I've been helping others ~ listening to acquaintances, strangers... all needing to vent, to cry, to... you get it.  But I was running out of gas for even THAT.  I was throwing the ultimate pity party:  

 "....but I've been patient.  I've been kind and I've lent an ear or several never asking in return or topping their misery and I am just... MORE MISERABLE!"

Pardonez mi Francese ... mais... WTF???? No translation needed.

And I'm bent.  Said it again...getting easier.  Ha, the confessions of a self-proclaimed martyr.

But today... today I am humbled.  I get it.  It isn't about me, my troubles, my sadness, loneliness or need for company.  Today...

I unbent myself thanks to a big little something:

A bird.  A young downy woodpecker.  It was snacking at my bird feeder and got spooked.  It flew "SMACK" into my window right at my face while I sat at my desk whining inside.  The toddlers instantly dashed out to see what evil had tried to attack us; well, not Birdie.  She went in the wrong direction, got tired of wondering what was going on and took a nap in the middle of the carpet.  To my surprise, Tall Man did not chew it or even paw it.  He backed up and let me see.  I AM the matriarch of our tiny pack you know.  MAKE WAY FOR THE QUEEN MOTHER FOR SHE SHALL KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!  And there it was. I picked it up and sat with it.  I spoke softly and rubbed its tiny little head.  Its heart was thrumming at a pace  I thought would surely cause it to burst.  It panted and wiggled in my hand. It shook its tail feathers (much like the song) but wouldn't move it's legs, grasp or vocalize.  I actually went inside and got a syringe. (Yeah I know ~and all truths be told I looked up with sweaty hands, a quick heartbeat myself and made a comment about "I'm SO getting in to Heaven for this...")  I gave it water, I softened food from the feeder.  All no-go's.  So I just sat with it, cooing and making soft little chirps.  I stroked its tummy and new flight feathers.  It relaxed and slept.  It woke startled but would snuggle down and sleep some more, all the while panting ( a sign of pain and anxiety) The dogs sniffed and licked but never fussed or tried to taste it. God forbid they think "This toy sucks! It only squeaked ONCE!!!" and I kept it away mostly because well... giant monsters jamming their cold wet noses and slapping at it with wet sticky tongues... anxiety... I know I would be right there too.I got a little towel and swaddled it, keeping it close and checking on it, hopeful that it would stand alone, flap it's wings... but deep down I knew.

It was paralyzed and wouldn't make it. When there was no more pain or suffering, I buried it with my makeshift woobie so it wouldn't be cold. I kept it from dying alone and scared.  I cried for it.

Life is too short and fragile to get caught up in hullaballoo ...laugh, love and hug someone, anyone or maybe anything. It makes a difference.