Life Saving Skills of Jimmy Buffet

The hole in her heart simply would not heal. She’d given it time just as all the foolish sages advised.  Of course, they had their families intact; their loved ones still within a heart’s beat.  After their pontification and grand-standing, she was by herself with their ill-informed, careless revelations based on nothing they’d ever experienced.  Justin was gone and Jenna was lost.  She was left alone with her cowardly low-burning lavender candle.

“Not that it matters.” She moped to it, swallowing again.  She closed her eyes against the bitter scratch of the pills.  Her belly churned and gurgled in protest.  Her response was to grind her teeth and eat some more small, soon-to-be-soothing tablets.  The warm hum began in her knees.  It bit her nerves as it ambled along under her flesh.  She sighed, welcoming the numbness; the quiet that she hoped would become forever.  Her gulping slowed and her fingers stopped working, allowing her solution in a bottle to slip from her hands, spilling the remainder of hope onto the floor.

Sound warbled from the blue light of the squawk box but she had trouble hearing.   A ringing began to fill her shell.  She cocked her head, confused and tired.  The world tilted, making her dizzy and nauseas.  She tasted salt and began to wretch.  Jenna knew this would come.  She’d been prepared.  Lolling forward, her forehead clunked drunkenly against the bucket in her lap.  She didn’t want to leave a mess for anyone.  Not like he did…no...No...No mess.  The words clicked slowly in her brain.  She began to lose control and fall away.  There was fear, but no sadness.  No one was left to care.

At first she thought the wind moved her hair back out of the mess of sick but then:

“Jenna”

Her name thundered through her chest like a psychedelic Sousa march. She grunted in the bucket.

“What have you done here, Sweetie?”

She spat and twitched but no words. “Ha-ha! You’re too late to scold me…” her clouded mind laughed in the deadly fog. 

Another  touch.  Her eyes rolled forward to see who was screwing up her suicide.  Not even her death could go as planned she snarled inside.

Justin stood filmy and cool in front of her.

“Ohhhh Jenna~ no.” he purred sadly

“Oh Hell YES” she mumbled. “I’m so done here. I want to be with you. Wait for me. I’m coming”

“No Baby. Not like this.” He whispered kissing her forehead.  It was cold but she radiated  warmth within which sparked her enough to hoist her head back up to her shoulders. She pouted her lips which sounded like a fatigued raspberry noise.

“You promised.” She slurred through tears. “..to love me.”

“But I do. Even more now.”

“NO JUSTIN! Love me from HERE. You said Forever and dammit, I’m gonna hold you to that. You said you’d always be HERE!”

“I am.” His voice was quiet.

“Bull. THIS doesn’t count. “And she angrily waved through him.  Her head bobbled as she continued:

“It’s no fun anymore. None of this is any good without you.  We were going to go to Paris…see the world…now nothing.  I’m empty.”

The ghost peeked into the bucket. “Or close to it…”

She snorted and choked.  Her world began to spin.

“See? Even death is fun with you.” But it sounded more like “Def ee fuh wi---yooo”  “I want to be with you. I don’t want to live without you.”

He sighed and she shivered. “But Jenna It’s not your time.  I was sent ahead to try it on first.”

She snorted. “You lie”

“Jenna- it’s sad for me too.  I’ve seen the rest of your life and it’s beautiful; happy, but without me.  I was supposed to hold you.  I wanted to make you laugh and cry with you until we were tired and ran out of breath.  There’s nothing I want more than for you to come with me; join me, but it’s not right.  I can’t be with you or see you if you do this.  Stay where you belong and I WLL be there. Watching ~ a warm gust of wind on a cold day, a song on your mind. Don’t let me die twice Jenna.”

“Nobody’s going to love me. “ Her breath was slowing; her words drifting into the empty room, echoing.  “It’s too late.”

“Jenna, fight.  You can take it back.  Let me love you from here.” He was pleading now.

“Here?” she heard him but couldn’t understand.  He sounded as if he were under water.  “Who’s here? I tired Jutin...” and the seizure slammed into her.  Her body jolted as electricity swam like a river of bees in her veins.  She coughed, her body tightening, even her eyes were screaming.  “Justin!” she tried to yell but no sound, only gurgles and mewling.  The drugs grabbed at her throat; crushing it closed.  Darkness tingled her vision, then swept in. Jenna fell away.

Her next thought was “Stink.”  Her nose screeched at the offensive smell.  Her eyes fought to stay closed.  “Not a good sign” she thought glumly. “Is this what Hell is like?” Someone touched her hair.  She sighed and relaxed, reaching for the hand.

“Justin?”Her eyes gave in and opened.

He was unfamiliar. His hair was thick and curly. His eyes were green and gentle.  He studied her.

“Ms. Moorman? Can you hear me?”

She looked sadly around. “Where?”

“You are in the hospital. There was quite a bit of medication in your body.  What have you done here Sweetie?” He began to write and watch her. She scowled.

“Did you save me?”

“Yes.” He smiled lightly. “Yes. I did.”

“You douche bag.  I did it on purpose. I don’t want to be here anymore. I need to be with Justin.”

“Yes. Well, he doesn’t want that.” He carelessly clicked his pen and continued to write.

“What the Hell would you know?”

“I know that I liked you better when you were sleeping.” He added dryly.

Jenna rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Look, just dump me into psyche. I can bullshit my way through a seven day eval and get back to my business.”

He paused. “No. Justin doesn’t want that either.”

“Would you STOP? You don’t know WHAT you’re talking about.”

“No? Well, he thought you might feel that way. But we’ll have none of it. You’ll stay. He said he doesn’t want to have to wash the bucket again. He can watch you just fine from here.”

She froze. “What?”

He winked. “From here.” Clicked his pen and left the room.

The nurse’s station hummed with activity and music: Jimmy Buffet’s “He went to Paris”

She closed her eyes and let the tears flow.

A warm breeze filled her room with the smell of hope and lavender.


I think it's a little sing-songy and simple; maybe a bit choppy.  I like it overall and think it is powerfull in its own rite.  I struggled with this; a nightmare I had that (unlike the others) was very cloudy and hard to remember. But as I say, not everything I write is the best thing I've ever written.  I hope you enjoyed it.

More importantly, I hope you know I enjoyed your visit.  I will be very busy getting ready for my race. We will catch up the first of the week and laugh about it all.

See you soon. Have a good day...several in a row, in fact.