Just like new

Well I confess that my 2011 has gotten off to a rocky start, as you can tell by my absence here.  So sorry my friends. I thought I would wait until it was funny to me to write about it. It's certainly taken some time.

We had some car trouble on my birthday weekend and had to rent a car.  Inconvenient, but we survived and even managed to have a ton of fun in the snow.  You betcha, so when Friday came, we returned to enjoy a SECOND weekend.  This included awesome snowboarding and sledding down our hill at remarkable speed.  Beeswax on Flexible Flyers? THE BOMB!!!  To treat ourselves, Cheech and I went down the mountain to dinner in our "new" old truck.

Hands down it was the worst experience of my culinary life.  Rarely has a fork poked this chubby face with the result of "Ew. I don't like that. At all."  And to make it worse? I passed it along to Cheech.  Kind of in the fashion of "Hey, I think this milk is bad. Smell it." We endured poor service and mediocre half-assed slammed together meals and were happy to have both decided to never return.  Out to the truckwe went.  There was a problem.  It wouldn't start.  No it wouldn't even CONSIDER it.  No movement in the ignition.  It was as if Hal had refused to open the pod bay doors.  So in we trudged to get AAA out and find a cab. Really? in the mountains at 11pm??? Ya think it was easy?  Now let me confess another funny.  I was in my mink. Running around in the woods in the dark in a FUR coat...I'm lucky no one yelled BEAR and no shots rang out in the night. Although some dude in a pissed off Ford Expedition tried to run me down. Hmmm I'll learn to put on a safety orange vest one of these days.

The tow truck lumbers up and Radar from MASH gets out.  He walks around the truck and clucks like a yard chicken.  He gets in to try to start it.  HA it doesn't work.  I know, it's trite, but I still like it.  Ever feel like such a schmuck when you try and try and then someone comes along with minimal effort....like the pickle jar thing...I just loosened it for ya.  Well, this did not happen.  But Radar DID ask us for our keys and then said the wisest thing I've ever heard. "hmmmmm I think I see your pro'lem.  Your keys are too heavy.  They broked the g'nition."

Well now THAT was a brilliant statement. My husband shot me a look that warned he'd be the one shooting the classiest bear in the parking lot if I said ONE WORD. I did not. I walked away. Jingling my apparently janitorial sized ring of keys. Cheech cleared his throat as a warning.  Radar took our truck.  We got a cab and spent the rest of the night trying to find a way home.

Another rental car and several hours later we made it back to NJ. We called the service station and by the end of the week, we headed BACK up to get our NEW new old truck.  We pulled in. It was dark. There was only a guy there to dispatch a tow if needed.  Hulking cars sat in snow and ice.  We saw our "black sheep of the family" and went over to pat it. Welcome it home. But we DID mutter something about leaving it in a forgotten place if it misbehaved again.  Third time a charm? Welllll don't push it. Cheech got in and found ...something on the seat.  something that didn't belong on the seat but had the look of belonging SOMEWHERE inside, mind you, INSIDE the truck. He walked back to the office and asked Radar..."Do you know what this is?"

He squinted, took a slug of grape Neehi and said flatly. "nope."
"Do you know where it goes?"
This drew a longer, more dramatic pause; "Nope."
"Is there someone who does?"
"Yep. I s'pose"
"Is he here?"
"Nah. He went home."
"Can we call?"

Do you see it boiling up? Can you smell it? It stings your nose a little; that's frustration Ladies and Gentlemen.
So Radar swaggers out and opens the garage.  He gets into an SUV and drives out.  He had to drive less distance that it was to hobble over to his friggin truck. I guess he didn't want his Teddy to be cold so he drives out.  He gets in to the truck and looks. He is turning the piece in his hand thoughtfully.  A second man comes around the corner (from where I don't know) and he is driving also.  HE parks behind Radar and gets out.  Finally a third car comes in the drive and whips around. A man gets out and they are all lined up to see and ponder the piece of truck on the seat. It was our Pocono Area 51...and a half if you count the Teddy on the seat.

"Hi. I'm Larry. This is my brother Daryl. And this is my OTHER brother Daryl. We gonna fix you car riiiiiight up."  It scratched at my brain until I thought I would choke on the guffaw forming deep in my chest.

I saw a spark and heard a hiss as some welding too place.  There was a lot of hand wiping on rags and pacing.  Then they popped the hood and stared at the engine just to look...smart? Yeahhhhh ummmmm. I'm blond so you don't have to go the extra mile. ;) I can fake it too.

They slammed the lid proudly and wiped their hands some more.  Good job? Nice going? Then like little bugs they all crawled away and disappeared into the snowy night. 

The long longer of it? We are here at promises.  We think our car works, but we brought an extra just in case.

*sigh* I'm tired folks.  I'm glad to be here and hope that our odds improve; 1:3 is not promising...but we are hopeful.  A little extra finger crossing if you don't mind...

Thanks for coming over.  Sorry I've been such bad company lately. 
See you soon.
Tessa