Upside down

Okay. This is tawdry bathroom humor. But I really had to laugh at myself:


In my office is a little "powder room"; a sink and a toilet. No flash, no glamour; just the basics.  I happened to be in there the other day and guess what? I had to change the dom roll.  Well, I didn't HAVE to. There was still some paper left ( but I confess there was more cardboard visible than "white puffy softness") So in all my stubbornness, I decided to let someone else do it for a change.


They did.


The NEXT time I went back, there was a BEAUTIFUL new roll albeit upside down. Complete with glue. Why do they glue the end down....better question...Why do they use so MUCH glue to glue the end down?  Well, this is what I'm pondering, perched oh so precariously on the "pot-TAY".  I reach over (it's not exactly in close proximity) and I snag it.  I get a half-ply piece of paper that could be considered useful ONLY if they were to scrape under my nails during a forensic investigation.  I purse my lips and try again to hear a "rrrriiiippp" but see just a skinny flash of white that has run ACROSS and INTO the roll. NOW I wiggle my finger into the "hole" I've just made and begin to spin; backwards.  In the process of doing this, I have got two streamers that are two layers apart just rolling away. DAMMIT! I just want some motherfiretrucking paper! I am about ready to karate chop it and throw the entire thing in the trash, going for the air dry trick because my arse is getting numb and a little tingly from sitting on the seat so long. But I grit my teeth and try once more. 


 In a moment of shear genius, I decided to take the roll off the spindle and flip it.  Well, apparently while sitting on the throne, I must have pinched a nerve somewhere in my spine which controls my dexterity and nimbleness. I dropped the damn roll and it ran away, leaving my streamers and an entirely NEW trail along the floor in a direct path to the damn door. Thank the Quilted Northern Gods for the door being shut because the vision I had is of that stupid party favor dashing down the hall all the way to my secretary where she would cock her head and say "Hmmm what's this?" following it much like Dorothy on the yellow brick road only to find me... well in less than a stellar position in life.   NOW I have to tuck my feet around the bowl as if in a ceramic ballet, bend over, walk my fingers to the runaway roll and peel it back slowly so no more comes off and I don't unravel the entire thing...all while praying I don't face plant on the tile floor, break my nose and have to explain that I lost a battle with "Charmin, the fly-weight champion of the bathroom breaking world".

Victory is sweet though sometimes tainted. 


It was too stupid and funny not to share.
I hope your day was more simple.
Thanks for coming over. I hope you smiled a little.