I'm Wonder Woman Dammit!

What could have been the darkest day in my Gotham City wasn't. It should have been, but sometimes Good triumphs over evil. I won.  I don't care how but I did. Wonder Woman never asks.


It began at the grocery store.  I was excited to see that English muffins were on sale. Yay me and Happy Holidays. So I plucked them from the shelf and happily made my way up to the checkout with my cart full of goodies.  I had a lot to accomplish that day so I was rushing, pulling things out quickly and organizing them on the belt.  The last thing I wanted was my fabric softener sheets in with my bagels; cinnamon and "Mountain Fresh" do not a good breakfast make.  I was quickly flipping my prized muffins up to join the other "squishables" when the security tag gave way.  What tag? Well, the one that holds the bag closed.  As I made my lovely arc, swinging my arm to further their adventure into my grocery bag, they broke free and made a small rainbow of "not yet toasted" nooks and crannies as they proceeded to attack the bag boy with what sounded like gentle tommy gun fire: "fuff-fuff-fuff-fuff"  They pelted him softly and rolled away; under counters, across to the gumball machines....Dammit.  Not a good sign for a great day. My superhero cape drooped a little.  At least the nice kid went and got a new package for me.  I got home, beginning to find humor in my start. I thought I could still turn the day around and save it as any belonging to the Justice League would do. My son met me at the door.


"I have something to show you." he said quietly.


I felt my lips draw in.  He brought a test that had been carved up in purple ink.  I read two sets of comments from two teachers. One gave him a high grade and one resembled Ms. Shields from "A Christmas Story" :


"Margins! Margins! MAHHGINS! A Semi-colon you DOLT... F! F! EEEEEFF!" 


Ben had to redo the entire assignment. I had to go back out and find the movie so he could review it and try again. It was due...two minutes ago.  Dammit. My tiarra wiggled, coming a little loose on my noble head.


My daughter was right behind him not to be outdone.


"I need to go to the barn and get some video footage for my project. It's due tomorrow."


The barn is forty minutes away. I felt my chest tighten with anxiety and frustration but I held it in; glad that my bustier was snug. I got my keys, barked directions to the Wonder Twins and off we went. First the barn, then the movie stop, next home for chores, homework and if we had time, breathing. 


Arriving at the barn, I held the camera, becoming a Wonder-one-woman film crew.  My son impressed me in that he had  enough of Superman's vision and forethought to pack his other homework and, taking form of a student; worked diligently in the car. This was going better than planned. 


But back at the barn, the horse was less than cooperative and while we captured my daughter's expertise in equestrian handling/riding, we realized all too late that it is a stallion of Dr Doom's  as it took off down the field at full gallop, tucking its head.  I watched my daughter begin the roll, knowing full well that she was going to hurt my ears with that thick sickening thump as she hit the ground.


Dammit!


But this Wonder Twin has chosen the form of a super strong kid. We end lessons and filming We had enough material and no, the fall was NOT caught.  All that was recorded was me mumbling dammit over and over and a clip of my feet running across the grass. No AFV there.  I walked her back to the car, deciding we would treat ourselves to Gotham's finest take out.  I tried to ignite the bat mobile.  Nothing. Not even a cluck. I looked to find that my son left the car on for more than hour with the lights, radio...Good God I think he was attempting to power the bat signal off my car battery.  It's dead. 


DAMMIT. 


Trudging back up to the barn, I asked my daughter's teacher for a jump. She pulls up her bull of a truck and we get our red and black pincers out, hoping for the best. After more time than anticipated, The bat mobile roars with an apology and the promise of a speedy ride home.  In we go and off we are.  We hit the drive and rush in to the Bat cave because we still have chores and crap left.


"What about dinner? Weren't we going to stop? And the movie? We have to get that..." 


DAAAAAAMMIT! I stomp my gold LeMay boots. Throwing a less than Superfriend tantrum.


Back to the bat mobile and into Gotham I rush.  Dashing in to the store with my superhero vision,  I rip apart the shelves for this movie. Empty. My Spidey senses are tingling and I watch a kid pulling random movies and cd's off the shelves; lots of them.  I must have snared him in my lasso of truth because we looked at each other and he left them all abruptly.  I approached some clerks, explained what I had seen, but not before asking if they had the movie.  They looked where it was and of course that particular spot was empty. I closed my eyes, fighting the tears with the word of the day brought heartily on by the letter "D". I felt my shoulders deflate. I knew my boots were sagging and my tiarra was tilting.  The clerk felt so bad, he told me to wait.  He would call the Commissioner.  There was hope.  I looked to the sky for the signal. Fifteen minutes went by.  He returned forlorn.


"I don't have it."


I hung my head in defeat. The Legion of Doom had won. Dammit. I slowly turned and contemplated the price for my lasso on Craig's list.


"Wait! WAIT!" I heard as I approached the door.  I turned expecting to see security coming to arrest me for  some top secret anti-theft tag that had attached itself to my boot like wet toilet paper. At this moment, it seemed reasonable.  But it wasn't. It was the clerk.  In the thwarted thief's pile was the last copy of what I needed. 


I was surprised that no one asked for my autograph as I spun in circles doing the "wonder woman windmill" with my bad-day bullet deflecting wristbands shielding me from further defeat. "FEH_DOO! Gotcha! Not ME! NOT TODAY! Feh-DOOOO! Take that! AND that! VICTORY IS MIIIIIINE"


I pranced to the car, tears of glee sparkling in my eyes.  I pulled up to get sandwiches for those who were also struggling with their day in Gotham and there was no line. None. They even got the order right. YES! I felt the heat of pride and success sizzle through my veins like a burger on the grill. I straightened my tiarra, cinched up my lasso and marched in to my house.  The children cheered, the dogs hopped and barked happily.  I had saved the day. 


After all, I'm Wonder Woman dammit!