Push

He sat watching her for the longest time; remembering, loving and hating every move she made.  She had left earlier than he'd anticipated thus forcing him into the few panicked moments he'd needed to catch up and keep an appropriate pace behind her.  He smiled tightly as she rolled her shoulders and craned her neck.  He wanted to touch her there; around her pale throat and squeeze.  He wanted to feel her hands clinging to his; peeling, clawing as she fought for her last breath.  He oh-so-wanted her eyes to bulge and tear, enveloping only HIS face; the last thing she would see on this planet as she was sent down into darkness to meet Maker or Devil.  He hoped for the latter and that she would be forever tormented by the sound of Alan's voice, his face, his touch; as he had suffered so long knowing she was living without him.  

Alan sighed heavily.  It had been more than three years since he and Jayne had stopped seeing each other.  He had been the one to initiate the break up.  He had grown weary of her touchiness, desire to be close, want  for emotional connection; love.  He had met someone else; someone he knew was richer, more fun, a little dirtier in the bedroom and free spirited.  Alan was just certain that it was the road he wanted to travel and it was this other who he needed to be his companion.  Jayne had asked for one thing; a last night.  Well, Alan thought that was less than proud; more along the lines of pitiful and so he'd laughed at her, told her that "with her" wasn't where he wanted to be and that he'd call her.  She had welled up with tears and kissed his forehead saying quietly he'd made a mistake.  He never called.  He made fun of her in certain circles; enjoying her heartbreak and pain as the rumor mill ground on around them with common friends. He was happy that someone had felt such loss over him, making him feel big; powerful.  But it wasn't long before he realized she was right.  And in even less time, he was confused by missing her.  Now?  He was furious at the mild obsession he'd developed for her life; without him.  He saw her go out and knew who she was sleeping with. He had begun to drive by her house more frequently as thoughts and memories flashed around inside his mind.  He called and hung up at her workplace; all the while twisting the sense of loss and desire to rekindle into a simmering cauldron of thick disdain.  It was bubbling over now.

Instead of wanting to reconcile and piece together a less than perfect love; he wanted to destroy her so he never had to worry about wanting her again.  He would kill her, bury her and then he could be free to gallivant with anyone he wanted without comparison or disappointment.  He was bitter that she had a hold over him and he was no longer willing to permit it.  It was a simple problem solved.  He put on his gloves, knelt in the soft pine needles not too far from the cliff where she sat humming a BeeGees' song.  He cursed himself when he at last realized he too was humming it; rubbing his temples in an attempt to erase the image of her standing in the kitchen with his dress shirt half unbuttoned bleating into a warped wooden spoon.  His head throbbed.  Alan squinched his eyes shut and willed her lovely face to fade from his memory.  He crouched and waited for his torture to end.

Jayne had gotten an early start.  Having not slept well in the tent; sore from her hike and climb, she wanted to make a quick go of it and end early; have Neil meet her at the trail head and take her home.  She could hardly wait to take a shower and sleep snuggled up to him in their soft, warm, rock and stick-free bed.  She chucked a pebble over the cliff and took a deep breath enjoying the fog as it fled from the warm, bright embrace of the morning sun.  She was so glad she had taken this time off and had been able to spend it as she had always dreamed.  She frowned a little, remembering how Alan had always made fun of what she'd wanted to do; no matter what it was:  from hiking and climbing, to writing, to picking a new shade of paint for her bathroom.  He'd loved criticizing and downplaying everything she did.  But she'd loved him ~ wholly.  She'd wanted to spend the rest of her life getting to know him, care for and about him, grow old with him.. But he'd just moved on to someone he thought was better.  Along with the new "love" and amorous epiphany, came many superficial demands, a lot of high maintenance and the degradation of being some one's arm candy.  The girl constantly put Alan in his place when in public and continually whined, cried and pouted.  But it was what or who he'd wanted.  It crushed Jayne that he couldn't or didn't want to love her.  It could have been so simple.  

She had been a little unnerved to see Alan drive passed her house and to see his number come up in the caller ID at work.  She hadn't really thought he was the type to stalk.  If he'd wanted to see her, all he'd ever had to do was ask; just make the first move.  Initially, she was certain that her heart would forgive him and they could have started fresh.  She would have loved the chance to hold him again, feel his hands on her body, hear his voice.  Everything about him had driven her wild, but he'd done the cowardly weak thing again and she knew now that the man he said he was, pretended to be, wasn't just a show for her; but an attempt to make himself believe in it as well.  He was a fake.  She wanted a genuine man; a human being who wasn't afraid of vulnerability (his or hers), who wanted to share in private jokes, quiet moments and grand victories.  She needed; Neil.  A ragged breath parted her lips and she faced the sun.  She smiled and brought Neil into her mind and heart.  It felt good.  She turned slightly to hear the rustle from the trees behind her but never moved. She inhaled deeply, catching the soft scent of her ex-lover's soap on the gentle breeze that gently and playfully mussed her hair.  As she looked over the cliff, she wondered how long it had taken Alan to find her. In the back of her mind, she hoped she was strong enough.

His initial thought was to rush out and shove the bitch over.  He bit his lip to hide the laugh that curdled inside his chest.  He instead decided to be a man and give her what she had wanted so badly; a last encounter.  He smiled at his generosity and stepped out of the wood.  He walked casually up behind her and sat down as if they met in this particular spot every week.  He adjusted his gloves and hat pulling in against the cold.  He was slightly disappointed at her lukewarm reception. A few empty moments passed before he spoke. 

"Good romp?"

She licked her lips and struggled to pry her gaze from a bald eagle watching from atop a scraggly bull-pine."I suppose.  It always makes me happy to be out here. At peace."

He brought his hands together, grateful that he was going to take this opportunity to shatter all of that. "I've been..."

"Watching?" 

Alan clenched his jaw and fists. "... THINKING about you. About us." he said tightly. "It was special Jayne."

"It could have been."

"It was. We were."

"You didn't think so at the time.  All I wanted to do was love you Alan. You weren't willing. And now, it's too late."

"It's not too late for things that are real."

"That is so true." she smiled softly thinking of Neil and his gentle words, his loving touch. "Alan, I want you out of my life; for good."

"Forever." he said softly.

"Yes." her nod was slow.

He turned to her and opened his arms.  "A hug goodbye?"

She looked sad and surprised.  "It's not where my heart is Alan. We'll always have memories of ..." and her voice trailed off; disinterest sourly but quickly bringing silence to the pair.  He reached for her shoulders and pulled her to him, feeling her body stiffen with discomfort.  He pulled away as if a passionate kiss had been taking place and brushed her hair softly from her forehead.  His finger trailed her cheek, her jaw and then his hands fulfilled their desire.  They clasped her throat.  Jayne gasped and began to tear at his fingers as they clutched and pinched her soft neck.  His face contorted into a sickened, angry grin as he rose to his knees pulling his victim along.  He heard her choking, felt the last drops of spittle as they dribbled down her lips.  He thought about how much he loved the shade of blue she was turning as her life drained away.  Jayne's body went limp.  The monster's expression turned gleeful and satisfied as he held her face in his hands.  He began to drag her to the edge, preparing to roll her off the cliff into the brush below where it would be days before anyone would find her.  He felt the sand and dirt begin to crumble under his feet, soon he would be free.

Jayne couldn't understand what was happening at first.  He was too close to her, he was acting so odd and then, it was sadly clear.  With his hands around her throat, she struggled to remain calm over the searing pain as her lungs burned for air and the headache as her brain began to shut down.  She was glad for what she'd done and she went limp.  She waited until he laid her in the dirt; careful not to flutter an eyelash.  She let him step over her and begin to roll her body to the edge.  The cliff began crumble.  She felt him pushing her closer so she would actually fall on her own.  As her body began to shift, she grabbed his shirt at the chest and finished rolling into nothing.  Together they tumbled over the side; falling.  Her belly tightened like she was on a rollercoaster.  Her mouth was dry as sawdust.  They were both screaming.  He clung to her in disbelief and horror.  Her climbing harness caught and pulled tight.  It ripped her away from him, hugging the woman angrily to its own rocky bosom.  Alan's body began to dance and shatter against the rocks below as he had planned for Jayne.  She hung quietly for a few minutes then began to slowly ease herself up to the top where she unhooked her gear and sat once again on the raw cliff.  She stared sadly at the crimson stain growing at the base of the rock.

"You can go on without me now Alan." she said dangling and kicking her feet playfully like a small child.  "You just needed a little push."

 The bald eagle flew from its perch; the only witness to this tragic ending.  Jayne stood, brushed her memories and guilt away with the dirt and dust and hiked to the trail head where Neil would meet her. She hummed her BeeGees tune quietly.


I liked this one; especially the little snag at the end (pun intended). I know I don't normally post mid-week but this one came along easily and I just thought it would be fun to spend a little time together before the weekend.

I hope you smiled, enjoyed my story and spending a little time with me.  I'm glad you came. 

Until next time, be good to yourself.