I love this day. I live for this day. And I'm going to be the coolest zombie ever. David isn't allowed to be scary, mean or violent things so he will be a scarecrow or a police man (Tell me where the fun in THAT is?) or a fireman. He can't even be a ghost with a sheet like Charlie Brown. What a rip off! But at least he can go trick or treating. Whew! I was sweating that one for days. I mean, who wants to go trick-or-treating with their baby sister in a wagon when you can go in style? David's mom said she would DRIVE us ~ awwwwesoooome! So we had our "party" at school today, but you can't have anything to eat like party food. You have to have carrot sticks and fig newtons. No nuts, no candy, no cookies no popcorn nononononoNO! Geez! Why do adults have to ruin everything? Well, they aren't going to ruin my night ~ no WAY Buster. I am home after school to hit the houses right close to me. Mr and Mrs Roth will always give me money or a NORMAL size candy bar because I am like, one of the only kids left in this neighborhood and they don't get to see their grand kids much. I don't know why they don't face time or oovu or something but they don't. So I win. Then I will go to Mrs Mitchell's. She tries to give me healthy stuff like toothbrushes from her cupboard or old stinky granola bars out of her pantry but I just give her my "look" and she says "Don't tell your mother" and gives me brownies or cookies or one time she gave me an ice cream bar!
I LOVE THIS DAY!
So I got all ready. It took me forever to get the blood the right color and my face and hair right. I can't just go out with a ripped shirt and some red marker streaks with my arms out groaning and stuff. That is what Kevin Anderson did and he is STILL being roasted over that. No way, not me. I'm going for gut globs on my shirt, blood that actually LOOKS like blood and some seriously funked up teeth Oh and I'm going to dig in the dirt so I have grimy, gross fingers. I'm going to be SO cool. Poor David. A policeman? I mean they are cool and I have an uncle who is one buuuut... Halloween? It's for scaring and gore and blood and YEAH I LOVE THIS DAY... oh sorry. Why couldn't he be a soldier? Then at least he'd get to wear camos. I'll tell him that for next year.
Now I just have to wait til David's mom gets here in the marshmallow mobile. It's not bad, I don't know why David calls it that. Maybe because she's so "fluffy" and happy all the time. I bet it smells like candy and sugar. We have to be driven around or have an adult up our butts at all times. I guess they heard a story that someone is out to kidnap little kids today or tonight or something. Two kids went missing from Huber and Piqua just this week on their beggar's night. That sucks. I don't buy it, I think its just like the story that goes around every year about razor blades in apples or stuff on stickers that you lick and then go crazy and jump off a roof or whatever. Whatever. Nobody is taking my day. Candy is MINE for breakfast and for lunch and for dinner and for snacks and forever. I love candy.
So David's mom finally got here. She's okay; kind of pretty and nice; just a littler too careful, you know? Whatever. She said she would take us to the really big neighborhoods. I can't wait. David is a cop but he has white face and really dark circles under his eyes. Says he's a zombie cop. Whatever. It's a little better. At least he's not like a bank teller or a lawyer or something stupid like that. Her car is white and it smells like coffee and dryer sheets. The seats are tan and smooth; easy for us to slip in and out.
And we were off. It took a little while to get to the places but then she had it all rockin and rollin and the sugar gods were generous. I got Reese's; I get extra of those because I'm like the only one left on earth who doesn't have an allergy to the stuff, Milky Ways, and then some bozo threw in an Almond Joy. Dork. I got a baggie of pennies... Really? You couldn't go to the store? The candy is right in front of the door and is cheap... Pennies? So I said thank you anyway and David and I at least waited till we got to the next house to laugh at them. We don't waste time either, we switch and ditch right away. If there are bowls with the hilarious "Please take ONE" sign? Dude, you know it's gone. And then when we've pillaged the small community, we go back to the mallow mobile and zoom to the next. David's mom is just sipping iced coffee and yapping on her phone. Pretty benign. We don't even talk or anything just jump in zoom away and jump out. Easy.
So we got to this one section and the houses were MAMMOTH so we knew we'd hit the mother load. We did our first round and made the pact that if it rocked, we would split up, rehit our favorites and be set for life. I found MY favorite in the red brick house with KING sized Snickers, and Hershey bars. Oh MAN I was in HEAVEN. But they wouldn't let us revisit if we had the same costume on. So I was smart and thanked my mom for making me bring a sweatshirt. I had like three trips to the same house but did the entire section just because I wanted to be fair. YES! David was gonna be SO jealous because zombie cop or not... he didn't have three outfits. So I spent a lot of time there and totally lost sight of David. I just figured he was doin the same thing as me. I never even thought about the other kids or that it might be getting late. Candy, man. It's all about the booty. So when the horn beeped and I looked up, I didn't think anything of the mallow mobile sitting in the cul-de-sac. I waved and got a couple more. Then there was another beep. I didn't want to get in trouble or have David's mom tell my mom I wasn't listening or something so I left the sanctuary of chocolate and headed back for the white car. It was really dark so I guess I couldn't be TOO upset. I whipped open the door and flounced on the seat. Hmmm no David. Well at least I knew I wouldn't be getting in trouble for not listening.
"Thank you Mrs. Savitch. It was really nice of you to do all the driving and stuff. We made a KILLING out there!" I happily chatted as I sorted through my pillow case crammed with sweets. I laughed thinking about how all the dentist offices would be having their drop-off day where they have people (usually parents) drop off their extra candy and then they give it to those in need. I am one in need. In need of CANDY. I laughed at myself and waited for David. I unwrapped another candy and licked melted sugar from my hand.
"Where IS David anyway? Is he lost or something? " There was no reply for a long time. I just figured she was engrossed in some tweet or something. Then the car began to move. I looked up and realized the car smelled like old Mexican food and dirty feet. The seats were blue fake velvet and were stained copper brown; ripped and torn. Then I looked to the mirror, where David's mom would have been; if it had been her car. The candy in my mouth went to salty sawdust. I couldn't swallow. Looking back at me was a painted clown face: bright green cross marks at the eyes and a huge red and blue slashed smile too wide for a normal mouth which was crammed full of tan, crooked teeth. The hair was purple and wiry; sticking up and out all over the place. I barely heard the click but knew in an instant that the child locks were set. I reached for the handle but the clown caught my eye and shook its head. Then it put its white gloved finger to its mouth and made the "shhhh" sign.
The tears came in a rush and I spit out the nasty candy.
I hate this day.
Happy Halloween! may you read this in the dark and may it make you shiver... just a bit. Thank you for stopping in. Want some candy?
Friday, October 30, 2015
Sunday, October 25, 2015
The lie
Time heals all wounds. There it is. Black and white; one of the most bold faced lies ever told, and we have all said it, used it, to console either ourselves or someone else. We want to believe it's true and maybe in the back of our minds, if we say it enough ... it will be.
But not for me and not yet.
My mother died long ago. I was young. "Too young" people often say with a sympathetic cluck and a sad head shake. But I didn't understand that. I didn't know. My reality overnight became one without a mother. I was sixteen. (All right, who did it? I heard that...) And I still had to get up and go to school. I had homework and there were dances that I was asked to. I learned to drive anyway. Boys still called and asked me out on Friday nights and we still fogged up some windows down by the dam. (Sorry Dad...we were NOT singing campfire songs...) I lived life angrily; fighting to feel something, anything. I made stupid choices and got into an abusive relationship. Somewhere between his "I love you"s and "You embarrass me"s I felt something, but not what I bargained for. He became the target of my anger one night... our anniversary... when he knocked me to the ground, straddled me and began choking me because I had said something he deemed inappropriate. I beat the Holy snot out of that boy and began to stand a little straighter. I accepted the anger and began to move forward. I had a purpose; no one would ever hurt me again. I shut off and shut out most people. I laughed and enjoyed and had fun; but no one was allowed in. Why? Because no matter how you beg or what you do... they will leave you. I had to be and feel protected...all alone and all the time because your world can end... overnight.
I survived and thrived as some would see it. I graduated high school; though not in the Honor Society~ my grades were no longer good enough with the stress of my "unfortunate situation" and I was turned out~ failure. I went to college where I promptly learned to study all over again to avoid being turned out ~ failure. I made it, graduated, and passed my Board exams, meeting a wonderful man who somehow accepted all my flaws, hangups, reservedness and loved me anyway; believed in me and told me he would love me tomorrow. I loved him back, feeling for the first time in a long time the warmth of hope. Maybe he would stay... We married and have a lovely family and every day... they stay a little longer. I do to. Happily ever after but oh-so-cautiously.
Yet ~ on THIS day, each year I revisit the lie. I am angry; so angry all I can do is cry. On THIS day, my mother died. (did you do it again? you better stop...)
Now most would say, "Look how you've grown. Look what you've done. She would be proud of you." And I hope all of that is true. One day, perhaps I will get the chance to ask her, because at sixteen when she had to leave, I didn't know. But for now? Now with my soon-to-be eighteen year old daughter graduating high school, visiting colleges, preparing for her Senior Prom and a vacation she and I will take to celebrate her life and our budding friendship... Now I'm more angry.
The lie, I realize now was too big to grasp. I never knew or understood all those things and moments I missed. I never realized how cheated I was in my youth to be denied the transition of friendship from parenthood coming from the woman who fed me, changed me, helped me when sick, colored pictures of Snow White with me, wrecked her kitchen so we could play store, taught me to cook, taught me that there will be very few true friends in your life.... I am angry she wasn't one of them. I am jealous of my daughter because she gets to do these things. I am envious that she doesn't hurt now and will not be shocked by the ripping open of these old wounds and the indescribable pain later in her life...with her daughter. Because I am here. I love her and I am proud of her and I have written letters to her since she was born so she will always know how I felt (good and bad) about each step of her journey. I tell her often. I sing songs to her about how "Amazing" she is to me. But when I turn around MY mother is gone. There are no inside jokes, no long walks, no epiphanies of life and love that Madi and I have shared. There never were. And that hole is still there; huge and empty and ... angry. It has not shrunk with time. I have not outgrown my childish wishing she were here to hug me and brush my tears. I have not become an adult in any way when it comes to her. I want my mom. Today and on her birthday, I just want MY mom.
I never asked to learn the lesson that life is short. I was not given the choice. I had to accept it as an ugly and cruel truth and keep on living and at times, I didn't even want to do that. But I am here. I am blessed with family and friends and we laugh with each other, console, and even get mad once in a while. And we forgive. We tell each other our feelings so we know; are certain... because if you don't ... if you're not sure... if you remain angry and don't forgive... that makes a wound.
And time won't heal it.
I love you Mom. I miss you as much today as I did that morning.
But not for me and not yet.
My mother died long ago. I was young. "Too young" people often say with a sympathetic cluck and a sad head shake. But I didn't understand that. I didn't know. My reality overnight became one without a mother. I was sixteen. (All right, who did it? I heard that...) And I still had to get up and go to school. I had homework and there were dances that I was asked to. I learned to drive anyway. Boys still called and asked me out on Friday nights and we still fogged up some windows down by the dam. (Sorry Dad...we were NOT singing campfire songs...) I lived life angrily; fighting to feel something, anything. I made stupid choices and got into an abusive relationship. Somewhere between his "I love you"s and "You embarrass me"s I felt something, but not what I bargained for. He became the target of my anger one night... our anniversary... when he knocked me to the ground, straddled me and began choking me because I had said something he deemed inappropriate. I beat the Holy snot out of that boy and began to stand a little straighter. I accepted the anger and began to move forward. I had a purpose; no one would ever hurt me again. I shut off and shut out most people. I laughed and enjoyed and had fun; but no one was allowed in. Why? Because no matter how you beg or what you do... they will leave you. I had to be and feel protected...all alone and all the time because your world can end... overnight.
I survived and thrived as some would see it. I graduated high school; though not in the Honor Society~ my grades were no longer good enough with the stress of my "unfortunate situation" and I was turned out~ failure. I went to college where I promptly learned to study all over again to avoid being turned out ~ failure. I made it, graduated, and passed my Board exams, meeting a wonderful man who somehow accepted all my flaws, hangups, reservedness and loved me anyway; believed in me and told me he would love me tomorrow. I loved him back, feeling for the first time in a long time the warmth of hope. Maybe he would stay... We married and have a lovely family and every day... they stay a little longer. I do to. Happily ever after but oh-so-cautiously.
Yet ~ on THIS day, each year I revisit the lie. I am angry; so angry all I can do is cry. On THIS day, my mother died. (did you do it again? you better stop...)
Now most would say, "Look how you've grown. Look what you've done. She would be proud of you." And I hope all of that is true. One day, perhaps I will get the chance to ask her, because at sixteen when she had to leave, I didn't know. But for now? Now with my soon-to-be eighteen year old daughter graduating high school, visiting colleges, preparing for her Senior Prom and a vacation she and I will take to celebrate her life and our budding friendship... Now I'm more angry.
The lie, I realize now was too big to grasp. I never knew or understood all those things and moments I missed. I never realized how cheated I was in my youth to be denied the transition of friendship from parenthood coming from the woman who fed me, changed me, helped me when sick, colored pictures of Snow White with me, wrecked her kitchen so we could play store, taught me to cook, taught me that there will be very few true friends in your life.... I am angry she wasn't one of them. I am jealous of my daughter because she gets to do these things. I am envious that she doesn't hurt now and will not be shocked by the ripping open of these old wounds and the indescribable pain later in her life...with her daughter. Because I am here. I love her and I am proud of her and I have written letters to her since she was born so she will always know how I felt (good and bad) about each step of her journey. I tell her often. I sing songs to her about how "Amazing" she is to me. But when I turn around MY mother is gone. There are no inside jokes, no long walks, no epiphanies of life and love that Madi and I have shared. There never were. And that hole is still there; huge and empty and ... angry. It has not shrunk with time. I have not outgrown my childish wishing she were here to hug me and brush my tears. I have not become an adult in any way when it comes to her. I want my mom. Today and on her birthday, I just want MY mom.
I never asked to learn the lesson that life is short. I was not given the choice. I had to accept it as an ugly and cruel truth and keep on living and at times, I didn't even want to do that. But I am here. I am blessed with family and friends and we laugh with each other, console, and even get mad once in a while. And we forgive. We tell each other our feelings so we know; are certain... because if you don't ... if you're not sure... if you remain angry and don't forgive... that makes a wound.
And time won't heal it.
I love you Mom. I miss you as much today as I did that morning.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Set it Right
" Your problem is you just cain't shut up Missy. You cain't or you won't and I don't reckon I know which is WORST!"
Josh smashed his fist on the table making his bowl of Cheerios shudder. No one was very Cheerio this morning. His mouth twisted in an angry sneer and he glared at the hunched woman lacing and unlacing her fingers around a cup of coffee. Her hair hung sleepily across her rich brown eyes that batted back tears. She pulled in a breath and sighed. It seemed to deflate her a little more. She was tired and simply wanted to go back to bed but she needed to see him off to work. That was the new rule.
"Got nothin to add, Little Girl? THAT'S a first." he gulped at his coffee, snickered and waited. "I asked you a question. I expect an answer." his voice dropped and smoothed out. Missy knew this was a warning. She vehemently shook her head; causing a smirk to smear across his face. He stretched out like a cat under the table; yawning widely.
"Gotta say, it's nice not to hear you whinin and complainin. You just come down and sit with me while I eat my breakfast. You see me off to work and then you do things in your day. Do you DO things during the day Missy? When I'm not here?" He pulled himself back in from his stretch almost like spring loading himself for another attack if she made the wrong move.
She raised her head and made sure there was eye contact. If he caught a glimpse of the seething hatred bubbling under the surface things could heat up again. She didn't want that. Josh had a "bit of a temper" she thought and contained her own smirk. She nodded solemnly and motioned toward the tower of dishes in the sink, then pointed behind him where the laundry machines sat and mountains of dirty clothes peered cautiously around the corner. She'd come such a long way from winning talent shows and beauty contests. This was not the life she had envisioned for herself.
"Ah. Well now, that will keep ya busy for a spell won't it?" and he looked around bobbing his head in approval. "Now, I will be passin the store on my way home, is there stuff you need for supper?" Josh cocked his head and waited. His hands rubbing the surface of the table. His fingers caught a rough spot and he picked absently at it with his fingernail.
Missy folded her hands and sat for a moment then, getting up, went without a word to the freezer and pulled some things, laying them out for inspection. He glanced at them, frowned and looked at her. "I'll be glad to get some chicken and corn on my way. I pass John's farm and I know he just brought in a bunch. Tomato salad. That kind with the cheese on top. oh and cake. I want a cake for dessert; one of them chocolate and vanilla ones. Marble?" He slouched and rubbed his belly in anticipation. "Yeah.. marble cake..." he smiled and yawned again.
She shrugged, taking her place back at the table. She glanced at the clock praying it was nearly time for him to go.
He reached across the table and took her hand. It was meant to be a gentle gesture, but she juked.
"Oh now Missy, don't be like that. You know I wouldn't hurt you." He reached again. She left her hand limp inside his and stared through him.
"Missy. Be realistic. When we met, it was fun. Right? Sneakin out, goin to all those parties? You were sure a looker. I loved havin you by my side. I said I always wanted you there, remember? Remember?"
She nodded. This was sickening. She was so tired of hearing this she wanted to scream and claw his eyes out. She wanted to ...
"But you changed Missy." he interrupted her fantasy. "Nothing was good enough. Not my job. Not the house I bought for you. Not the car we drove. Not the clothes we wore..." he hung his head and drew a small heart on the table using a coffee spill. "You began to hate everything; even me. Do you hate me Missy?" He looked up and searched her eyes.
She had to be careful. She pushed a tiny smile across her lips and let just a couple of tears fall. They weren't for him though. They were for herself; for this life; for not getting away sooner. He seemed to accept this tiny act as tenderness and caressed her hand. She fought the bile marching up in her throat. She blinked slowly and willed herself to hang on. He scooted around the table to be directly in front of her.
"I'm glad you don't hate me. I kin accept mad. I know you're mad at me. I got a little out of hand th'other night, I guess. Maybe I went too far. You just wouldn't stop Missy. I'm NOT stupid. I'm not rich, but I won't be poor forever. I got plans for us Missy. I tried to tell you that, but you wouldn't listen. You never do. You jes keep talkin , squawkin, pissin and moanin. You always got somethin mean and smart to shout over top of me. You always put me down... You...pushed me...but we'll set it right. " he paused and caught his breath. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. " I warned you. I was all but beggin you to shut up... you just wouldn't. What else was I supposed to do? " His eyes pleaded for understanding; tearing slightly. He kissed her hand again and she felt his drops of regret against her skin. Her mouth pursed and she looked away feeling disgust and rage. He reached for her cheek to stroke it but she reared back. This broke the moment. His eyes hardened and he caught her jaw between his thumb and other fingers in a quick sharp clamp.
"but we understand each other now Missy. Don't we? Hmmm?" he shook her jaw a little and this caused her to mewl in pain. Oh God the pain. There was a fire in her mouth that sparked and raced through her body. She scrambled away, falling from her chair to the floor. He towered over her and glowered down. She braced herself and stared at the floor tasting the fresh copper liquid filling her mouth and stared at the droplets plopping onto the floor in crimson splashes.
"Guess you'll be moppin today too Missy." he snorted. He stepped passed her toward the sink to reach for paper toweling. Missy scurried and pushed herself as tiny as she could into the corner. He wet the towel and leaned over her; wiping gently at her mouth. He frowned.
"Here. HERE. Don't move. It's gonna tear. MISSY!" He grabbed her arm and dabbed at her face. She wiggled like a piglet; squallin and thrashing in his arms. At last, he let her go and threw the towel at her.
"Then YOU do it." he spat and stood. "And git this all fixed. I'll be home at four." He stalked out, the door sighing heavily allowing the house to breathe at last. The woman stood to begin her day which started with a hammer and a small bag of little glass spheres.
Missy dabbed her mouth and the stitches that held her lips together. "Yes, Josh, you got a little out of hand that night. You knocked me out and sewed my mouth shut. You think I'm a bit miffed ..." she thought bitterly, finding herself acting where she could not speak; her gestures and body language exaggerated and sharp. She rummaged through the drawers for the scissors. She would need them later when she cut the strings. Then she set to work on the his favorite cake; marble. That would set it all right.
Well hello there. So sorry it's been such a long time. My life has been more than full; good and bad but full. I guess we are all rowing that boat, aren't we? I've missed you and am glad that you stopped by here for a moment or two. This one is a little more dark. My son announced that he thinks I am broken somewhere inside to be able to think of these things. He also told me not to be mad when he sleeps with the light on. hmmm I guess I won't show him the one I have ready for Beggar's Night. Regardless, thank you for thinking of me. I'll see you next week.
Josh smashed his fist on the table making his bowl of Cheerios shudder. No one was very Cheerio this morning. His mouth twisted in an angry sneer and he glared at the hunched woman lacing and unlacing her fingers around a cup of coffee. Her hair hung sleepily across her rich brown eyes that batted back tears. She pulled in a breath and sighed. It seemed to deflate her a little more. She was tired and simply wanted to go back to bed but she needed to see him off to work. That was the new rule.
"Got nothin to add, Little Girl? THAT'S a first." he gulped at his coffee, snickered and waited. "I asked you a question. I expect an answer." his voice dropped and smoothed out. Missy knew this was a warning. She vehemently shook her head; causing a smirk to smear across his face. He stretched out like a cat under the table; yawning widely.
"Gotta say, it's nice not to hear you whinin and complainin. You just come down and sit with me while I eat my breakfast. You see me off to work and then you do things in your day. Do you DO things during the day Missy? When I'm not here?" He pulled himself back in from his stretch almost like spring loading himself for another attack if she made the wrong move.
She raised her head and made sure there was eye contact. If he caught a glimpse of the seething hatred bubbling under the surface things could heat up again. She didn't want that. Josh had a "bit of a temper" she thought and contained her own smirk. She nodded solemnly and motioned toward the tower of dishes in the sink, then pointed behind him where the laundry machines sat and mountains of dirty clothes peered cautiously around the corner. She'd come such a long way from winning talent shows and beauty contests. This was not the life she had envisioned for herself.
"Ah. Well now, that will keep ya busy for a spell won't it?" and he looked around bobbing his head in approval. "Now, I will be passin the store on my way home, is there stuff you need for supper?" Josh cocked his head and waited. His hands rubbing the surface of the table. His fingers caught a rough spot and he picked absently at it with his fingernail.
Missy folded her hands and sat for a moment then, getting up, went without a word to the freezer and pulled some things, laying them out for inspection. He glanced at them, frowned and looked at her. "I'll be glad to get some chicken and corn on my way. I pass John's farm and I know he just brought in a bunch. Tomato salad. That kind with the cheese on top. oh and cake. I want a cake for dessert; one of them chocolate and vanilla ones. Marble?" He slouched and rubbed his belly in anticipation. "Yeah.. marble cake..." he smiled and yawned again.
She shrugged, taking her place back at the table. She glanced at the clock praying it was nearly time for him to go.
He reached across the table and took her hand. It was meant to be a gentle gesture, but she juked.
"Oh now Missy, don't be like that. You know I wouldn't hurt you." He reached again. She left her hand limp inside his and stared through him.
"Missy. Be realistic. When we met, it was fun. Right? Sneakin out, goin to all those parties? You were sure a looker. I loved havin you by my side. I said I always wanted you there, remember? Remember?"
She nodded. This was sickening. She was so tired of hearing this she wanted to scream and claw his eyes out. She wanted to ...
"But you changed Missy." he interrupted her fantasy. "Nothing was good enough. Not my job. Not the house I bought for you. Not the car we drove. Not the clothes we wore..." he hung his head and drew a small heart on the table using a coffee spill. "You began to hate everything; even me. Do you hate me Missy?" He looked up and searched her eyes.
She had to be careful. She pushed a tiny smile across her lips and let just a couple of tears fall. They weren't for him though. They were for herself; for this life; for not getting away sooner. He seemed to accept this tiny act as tenderness and caressed her hand. She fought the bile marching up in her throat. She blinked slowly and willed herself to hang on. He scooted around the table to be directly in front of her.
"I'm glad you don't hate me. I kin accept mad. I know you're mad at me. I got a little out of hand th'other night, I guess. Maybe I went too far. You just wouldn't stop Missy. I'm NOT stupid. I'm not rich, but I won't be poor forever. I got plans for us Missy. I tried to tell you that, but you wouldn't listen. You never do. You jes keep talkin , squawkin, pissin and moanin. You always got somethin mean and smart to shout over top of me. You always put me down... You...pushed me...but we'll set it right. " he paused and caught his breath. He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. " I warned you. I was all but beggin you to shut up... you just wouldn't. What else was I supposed to do? " His eyes pleaded for understanding; tearing slightly. He kissed her hand again and she felt his drops of regret against her skin. Her mouth pursed and she looked away feeling disgust and rage. He reached for her cheek to stroke it but she reared back. This broke the moment. His eyes hardened and he caught her jaw between his thumb and other fingers in a quick sharp clamp.
"but we understand each other now Missy. Don't we? Hmmm?" he shook her jaw a little and this caused her to mewl in pain. Oh God the pain. There was a fire in her mouth that sparked and raced through her body. She scrambled away, falling from her chair to the floor. He towered over her and glowered down. She braced herself and stared at the floor tasting the fresh copper liquid filling her mouth and stared at the droplets plopping onto the floor in crimson splashes.
"Guess you'll be moppin today too Missy." he snorted. He stepped passed her toward the sink to reach for paper toweling. Missy scurried and pushed herself as tiny as she could into the corner. He wet the towel and leaned over her; wiping gently at her mouth. He frowned.
"Here. HERE. Don't move. It's gonna tear. MISSY!" He grabbed her arm and dabbed at her face. She wiggled like a piglet; squallin and thrashing in his arms. At last, he let her go and threw the towel at her.
"Then YOU do it." he spat and stood. "And git this all fixed. I'll be home at four." He stalked out, the door sighing heavily allowing the house to breathe at last. The woman stood to begin her day which started with a hammer and a small bag of little glass spheres.
Missy dabbed her mouth and the stitches that held her lips together. "Yes, Josh, you got a little out of hand that night. You knocked me out and sewed my mouth shut. You think I'm a bit miffed ..." she thought bitterly, finding herself acting where she could not speak; her gestures and body language exaggerated and sharp. She rummaged through the drawers for the scissors. She would need them later when she cut the strings. Then she set to work on the his favorite cake; marble. That would set it all right.
Well hello there. So sorry it's been such a long time. My life has been more than full; good and bad but full. I guess we are all rowing that boat, aren't we? I've missed you and am glad that you stopped by here for a moment or two. This one is a little more dark. My son announced that he thinks I am broken somewhere inside to be able to think of these things. He also told me not to be mad when he sleeps with the light on. hmmm I guess I won't show him the one I have ready for Beggar's Night. Regardless, thank you for thinking of me. I'll see you next week.
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