Her lungs burned as her kindergarten feet pounded down the sidewalk. Her arms and hands pulled in tightly hugging her white windbreaker close as if she were trying to keep her heart from jumping out and running ahead. She could almost see it; the corner where she would at last be safe. The laughter got louder.
"Please faster...please just faster" she begged her little boots. She loved these boots. Her mommy had bought them and they had a little gold buckle with the slightest heel. They made her feel so grown up and pretty; like a gypsy princess. Now, she just hoped they would hold together until the corner.
Today was the day she learned why to never wear anything hooded. Without warning, her windpipe snapped shut as the zipper from her jacket gouged her. Her arms that had been tucked like a baby bird's flew out to grab and hopefully catch her little body. The boots were no longer running. There was a thick smack as her head brutally crashed to the ground. She blinked and swung wildly, knowing what was coming. It came every day at this time. Her beat down from David Howard; a bully three grades up.
She had never spoken to the boy, only walked the same way to and from school. He had yelled across the street to her and called her ugly. Called her a faggot (whatever that was) and after the first time he punched her in the stomach so hard she fell to the ground and threw up, he called her Crybaby. His pastime was chasing her home from school, beating her up before she could reach the corner where her mom could see her from their house.
Today he pinned her with his elbows and spit on her. He jumped up and down on her arms and wrists until she thought her hands would pop off. It had been raining so he grabbed leaves and mud and smeared it under her nose and then into her mouth when she gasped for air.
"You look like a stupid guppy." he laughed exaggerating his movements and crushing her chest.
"Stop David. Please. Why are you...?" she wheezed and choked.
"Shut up you stupid little crybaby...wahhhh wahhhhhhh" he leaned forward shoving the crease of his jeans up to her chin. He farted. "Guess what I had for lunch?" He howled at his own joke.
The little girl sputtered and gagged.
"Guess!" he looked down at her, his eyes dark. His girlishly long hair hanging in his face. He rocked back on one hip, letting up and for a moment she thought he was done for the day. He got up and absently brushed his hands. She rolled over and coughed. Mud bubbled out of her nose and she spat a small stick. She wiped her eyes now red and swollen. She took a gurgled breath, tasting fear and dirt.
"All right you tiny piece of shit. I'm going to count to five and then I'm going to chase you. If you make it to the corner...You know you'll be safe because your Mommy can see you. If not? I'm going to kick your ass so bad you'll piss you little pants. Got it?"
His voice was muffled in her ears, dull and angry, the words not quite clear. But she had been through this enough to know ~ so she scrambled to her feet and bolted.
To the corner. Almost. To. The. Corner.
She quietly opened the door begging the hinges to keep her secret. She knew she was going to get in trouble. Her brand new "pantyhose" (just like Mommy wore) were ripped. Her boot heel had come loose but she had glue in her room that she stole from Mrs. Bodecker's craft closet; so that should help. She washed off what she could at the front hose. That could explain the slosh in her boots. Nobody needed to know it was warm and not the cold water from the tap. She snaked her body along the wall to avoid the kitchen. The rubber soles squeaked softly but she shushed them and stood up on her toes. She made it to her room and began to change out of her destroyed outfit. She picked a long sleeve tee-shirt to hide the scratches and soft pants since they felt nice on all the cuts and bruises forming along her back. She had not made it to the corner today. He had gotten a second round that consisted of his version of kickball. She hissed and winced. She saw blood on her panties. She would have to throw them away. Gingerly, she padded to the bathroom and held her breath while she peed. Her mother hummed a song as she came down the hall.
She knocked. "You alright Doodlebug?"
"Yip" she tried to sound regular but her face was pinched so tight she couldn't see. Her lips pressed so close together that the screams never made it out, only the tears. When her mom moved on, satisfied, she reached for her bath towel and cried. Sobbing into the plush dancing teddy bears until everything gave out. Then she wiped her face, stood up and stepped out. She moved slowly and deliberately until bedtime, careful not to get too close to anyone. She asked if she could go to bed early.
"Sure Honey. You okay?"
"Tired." she tried to smile. Everything hurt.
"Want to tell me what happened?"
She felt the color drain from her face and she saw sparkly stars around her. She got dizzy. She dug her toe at the rug. "What."
"Yes indeed. What. What happened to your boots? Why are your tights ripped? Did you have an accident?"
All these questions. She just stood in front of her mom trembling and shaking her head no. Her mind was screaming for her to tell ~ just shout it all out. But she knew it would only get worse when her mom called his mom and he knew. He'd know she told.
"I'm sorry Mommy." And the tears fell. She was sorry all right. Sorry she wasn't strong and brave. She was so so sorry about her new clothes because she knew they didn't have a lot of money to buy stuff. She was sorry that David Howard was mean and she couldn't be nice enough to him to make him stop hitting her; every day of her life.
"Don't be sorry....talk to me. Want me to take you and pick you up?"
"Oh no Mommy. I know you are busy. I'm okay. I'll be more careful. I'll do better." her voice was small and shaky. She rushed her words and tried to smile.
Mommy wrinkled her eyebrows. She was thinking. She twisted her mouth and just when she was certain her mom would say something she blew her a kiss. "Want me to tuck you in? I can read a story and we can have cookies. Girls' night"
She held her lips in a thin line. "Just sleepy. I love you." and she turned. Her jammie bottoms dragging softly on the worn carpet.
"I love you back"
Whew
She brushed her teeth and turned out the light. She took her little play library steps and moved them so she could get into bed. " One day I'll be big enough." She thought. Her muscles were beginning to ache and the bruises were beginning to streak and show. They were going to be black then purple blue green and yellow ~ a painful rainbow she thought sadly. Her butterfly nightlight winked from near the closet that was open just a little. She did not turn it on. Most kids her age were afraid of the dark and closets. She knew the truth; the scariest monsters were out in the daylight.
Hello and welcome back. I am glad we get to share this time, no matter how short. This one is longer than my usual "drive-by", so I thought I would break it up into a couple of short chapters. Enjoy and I'll post the second chapter mid-week, with a round up by the weekend. Thanks again. You're good company.
Until next time.
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