An effin drink for effin Andy

Cheech's bday is coming. I wanted to surprise him. I thought of an intimate dinner party where my ensemble was a negligee, but I DID say surprise, not frighten ;) heehee. As Phyllis Diller once said "I wanted to spice things up a bit, so I put on one of those peek-a-boo nighties. Well, he peeked and he booed." Ahahahaha I loved that old bird! Then I thought of a new camera lens. I asked my dear friend and he helped me get in the ball game. Then I asked Cheech. He said..."Nah. I wouldn't know what to do with it." grrrr! THEN we talked about a telescope. "Naaaaah.... not really.  I guess just birthday dinner and a great night". He wiggled his eyebrows as I laughed and blushed...even now. Really? Could it be ? He wanted to peek and CHEER? heehee well that's enough of that and no I won't be blogging that portion of the birthday celebration.

So I bought him AND installed a new kitchen faucet. TaDAH!!

Oh yeah, out of left field. Are you blinking? Rereading perhaps? haha. Well, I rolled up my sleeves, got out some tools and began fiddlin under that there sink area. Yes I DID remember to shut off both hot AND cold valves as well as the one feeding the dishwasher. I hadn't been under there too awful long when I felt it.  My shorts began to sneak down from all the scooching. Holy shit! I had plummer's crack! WELL, that just gave me license to talk like one.

 If you know my plummer Andy, you know EXACTLY what I'm saying.  That man is a master plummer and could make a drunken sailor blush! He works with his sons and with their first visit ~my kids were wee tiny, I heard him yelling at his boys "I effin told you there were effin KIDS in this house! Now watch your G*****n MOUTHS!" Ahhhh GOOD times! So on behalf of effin Andy I grunted, groaned, sweated and swore as those twenty year old effin oxidized copper fittings tried to beat me back. I begged them and explained this would make the king of the castle VERY happy (effin ecSTATIC). They resisted at first.  But in the end I won. I disconnected the old leaky effin faucet and began to pull it the eff out.  The original plummer must've had some effin issues because the effin connector pipes were bent in order to reach the fittings for the effin water supply. hmmm okay. It's called effin anger management. I sure hope that guy effin got some, later in his life. But I shrugged and puttied up, screwed in and fed through my new effin FAHNSAY faucet. It has a sprayer thingie (that IS the actual faucet...so you pull it out and there's a HOSE! WEee HOOO) with either a stream OR a shower option. I know. I was all effin smiles. Well at least until I ducked back under into the cave. That is when I realized there was NO way. Too effin short. Not me the pipes. I couldn't effin believe it. So I had to EFFIN HURRY to put all the old crap BACK in and hide the NEW one while trying to figure out how to effin fix this. I understood why those old pipes were effin bent.

I let it go for a day or two and was wandering in the Hardware Hell store when I saw it (Yeah, I know you macho men...it's an effin connector hose but it was) the Holy Grail to me. I snatched them up and snuck them home. I waited until he went to work and I got out my Dental tools again: wrench, screw driver, putty knife and channel locks. I dunno. I just always grab them. That and a utility knife. I yanked up my effin drawers to an extremely high and uncomfortable level and scooched back; revisiting those old bent pipes and almost stripped bolts.

"Off ya go." I sang and moved. My drawers gave.  I shoved and refitted.  My drawers gave.  I screwed and turned the valves praying I wasn't about to create an "I love Lucy scene" where water floods my effin floor. Oh... and my drawers gave.

It was effin over. All was done. Not one effin drop slipped between my fittings and when I turned that sexy effin new sprayer/faucet on? It worked effin FLAWLESSLY.  I raised my effin wrench in victory and said just like my plummer Andy:

Effin RIGHT. DRINK UP boys!