The Parade

Have we all recovered?  Did we enjoy ourselves and the company of others?  I hope so for you since I have, did and DID.  It was a lovely holiday season though I missed a few faces.  I imagine you were the same or close.  Well Happy Happy Merry Merry... lalala.

Work has been very busy and I have been putting in some  more time.  It is a little bit of a haul for me to get there, but considering how much I like it, it truly fails to be much of an inconvenience; until the day I got a call for an extra shift.  I had nothing going on and didn't feel like doing chores so I said yes.  It was a quickie, wimpy shift only five hours.  I got ready and dashed out the door.  I had plenty of time; or so I thought.

I have developed a simple back roads route to get there.  I get to see some great wooded areas and stay away from the typical Jersey nimrod driver who spend hours buying cheats for GTA5 and enjoys all too much practicing them on our highways and byways.  In order to get to this route, however, I must travel about fifteen minutes on the main roads.  Doesn't seem like much does it? Nah.

I hopped in the car and it was:  "High-ho Gizmo awaaaaaay!" He gladly played songs we could sing to on our little journey. One stop light, and another, then I saw her.  It was too late to do anything.  Oh sure I could have flipped Gizzy into off-road mode and we could have whipped around her on the side taking out or chasing any number of riders, runners or mailboxes that couldn't get out of our way, but I really don't drive like that.  Sometimes I wish I did.

She was a Q-tipped hattie; you know, the slow VERY elderly white-haired, Sunday- driving- hat- wearing ones who looks at each house, trying to determine what is being watched on television as they saunter by.  They might be mistaken or confused by the speed limit signs and ADD the digits they see.  They feel that a stop sign is the perfect opportunity to organize their coupons or cat nap, waving on everyone else who approaches the intersection because... they have the time.... This one? Oh she was different.  

She wanted to be Grande Marshall of her very own parade.  I can say this with confidence since there were American flags on either side of her passenger windows (gently billowing in the breeze she was almost making while racing along at her breakneck speed of nine- Be careful Captain Kirk - It could be too much power for us to handle.  Thank you Scottie, I'll use the chubby pedal to correct our velocity), not to mention the seven mini ones standing at attention along her rear window, as well as several tiny stickers decorating her bumper.  She must have driven off before they could affix the loudspeaker to the top of this fantastic vintage Skylark that could belch out "My Country Tis of Thee" or "I like Ike" at decibels loud and proud... or that someone her age could hear.  I pondered as we putted along if at any point she was going to begin tossing out  rocket pops... you know, the red white and blue icees that taste like someone has stored them for years in their original wimpy wax paper wrappers inside their old fishing bait cooler littered with bits of old night crawler moss and leaking ice bags?  No? Is that just me?  Huh well I DID have a lot of time to think ...
and sing.

 Sweeeet land of liiiiiiiberty of thee I sing....

Sooooo we cruised around and at some points I felt compelled to beep and wave as people came out to see what the bloody hold up was or maybe they were getting their mail.  

"Land of the Pilgrims' Pride..."

At last I saw my chance; a quick left and I would be free.  My heart began to race.  My palms grew sweaty.  Gizmo revved.  He knew it was time to make the break.  All we had to do was wait....

"From ev'ry mouuuuuntain side...."

But she threw us a curve ball and wanted to go that way TOO.  WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I closed my eyes and gnashed my teeth.  The double yellow lines and oncoming traffic kept me in my driver's Hell.  I wanted to cry.  or defect. I was no longer sure.  I reached down and told Gizmo I was sorry for what I was about to do.  I was going to break the law.  I was going to pass her.  I slipped him into "Oh shit not THAT fast" gear and began to wiggle my toes as I prepared for warp speed achieved with the skinny pedal... something our leader had surely forgotten existed.  I exhaled and began to mash....

But again....she tossed a Screwball across the plate... the signal went on and I could see her gloved hands making caterpillar turns (where the thumbs of each hand meet again and again in little sideways "fist bumps" along the circumference of the steering wheel) and at last she was gone. Elated, I slipped Gizmo out of "Oh shit gear" and smiled.  I turned my head and saw where her great adventure out was... She was going to the animal shelter. I don't know if they have turtles there.  That would be the best pet for her.  Or a snail.  Three-toed sloth? 

The remainder of her parade sighed collectively with great relief and zoomed away (50 in 35) but I think the cop that was tenth in our line understood. There were nineteen of us in all.  I know this because I got to turn left and waited as the rest of my frustrated friends took off for locations/destinations desired.  We were good together.  Beeping and honking and flipping.  Well I try to tell myself waving. But now all I could do was go on my way, alone...

"LET FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOM RIIIIIIIING"


I know I know. Too long.  And I did miss you.  I thought of you often and smiled.  I have another one to post soon. I will write it tonight.  Thanks for coming over and not giving up.  You guys are the best.  And for those newbies whom I've just met, "Hello" I hope you like visiting here and come back again.  Feel free to contact me via email or comments.  Thanks again.