What am I doing?

I've been up the last several nights; worrying.  There are a lot of things on my mind for work and more with Cheech being away for most of this month. There are the kids, the functions; got a roll of toilet paper? Because the list goes on and on. (For us all right?)

So what the firetruck was I thinking when I put my name in to the hat for chaperon of my son's trip? I don't know.  I didn't have TIME to ride around in a bus full of screamin sweaty kids. I have charts to build, monitor and meds to inventory.  I have shifts to cover and reports to finish. I have deadlines people. Welcome to my fifth level of Hell. Of course I know what I was thinking: she'll never pick me.

BZZZZ WROOOOONG TESS! WRONG! WRONG! wrong.  

~knock knock
~who's there
~WRONG

So today was the day. I was awake at 2 trying to figure out how I could get back to work to finish what I'm already behind on. I was trying to figure out how I would get to scouts after dinner and still get my second draft done ... I wasn't coming up with any grand solutions and grumbled through a shower, getting dressed for a change in jeans and a tee with sneaks; not my usual style.  At 6:15 my sleepy son came in with his happy face pajama bottoms, morning breath and a smile that lit up my heart.  He hugged me so hard I almost lost my breath (he's such a strong lil shit)

"MOM! It's finally here! We have our field trip today! I can't WAIT"

He ran back down the hall; dressed with lightening speed and zoomed down the steps.  In nine seconds, he had managed to fix eat and clean up breakfast and was busily making our special lunch.  Special lunch.  I was supposed to be WORKING through lunch. I sighed heavily.

"Don't look Mommy! This is gonna be the BEST lunch you ever ATE" he was almost panting and the whole time he had that famous smile on his handsome face.

My head hurt.  My stomach was in knots.  I skipped breakfast and dragged myself to the bus stop. 

"Get up late?" the other moms asked since I was "slummin"

"No. Field trip."

"YOU????"

I winced and realized that one word hurt.  My son grabbed my hand.  "YEAH and she gets to ride on the BUS" he squeezed and laughed at nothing.

I looked down at his happy face." What am I doing"? I angrily thought.  I put him on the bus and walked home.  I had a few minutes.  I spoke with my partner and cleared up a few things then grabbed my keys.  I drove to school, popped some Tylenol and walked in to my son's class.

He had saved a seat for me.  His teeth looked dry from smiling.  His teacher met me in the hall.

"Hi."
"Hello..." I said cautiously
"I brought him down early.  He was too excited.  We're glad you could come."
"Thanks." but the thought ran once more like ticker tape through my brain

What am I doing?

 I turned around to hear my son say "Nah. I wanna sit with my mom on the bus."
So he lead me to the big chubby submarine and showed me how to use the seat belt. (SEATBELT??? Gosh, when I was young we  were simply free fallin...time ARE a-changin...) We drove forever; long enough to hear too many choruses of "99 bottles of pop on the wall"

When we arrived, my son carried our magical mystical lunch and held my hand.  He showed me all the things there were to see and we laughed at the silliest stuff.  We smudged up glass pointing, ooo-ing and ahhh-ing and had a blast. He was absolutely right.  It was the BEST lunch I'd EVER had.  We carried on and talked about everything; even took a little time to giggle and point.  I loved every single solitary minute of it and was sad when we finally got back to school. 

"Okay parents. We're here.  Thanks for coming. We'll send em home to you shortly." and I watched my son get in line to go back to class.  He cut out and ran over to me.

"I love you Mom. Thanks for the BEST day. This was GREAT"

I hugged him so tight I thought maybe he'd pass out.
"Me too Boo. " I whispered through a tear.

I waved and headed for my car.
No headache
No bellyache
No thoughts of work or worry

THAT'S what I'm doing.


Nothing special.  Just a quick note.  Today was one of those days where I took the time to appreciate what's truly important in my life.  If I run out of tomorrows; the work, the weather, the world goes on.  But here, today, we made a memory that will last.  I hope you do the same.

Thanks for stopping here to listen to me ramble.  It makes me feel good to see you; as always.