A Life of Come Backs

He stared at her; pink, new and wiggly. She smiled and cooed. He admitted later that he was afraid to touch or hold her as she might shatter, but he learned and they grew together through spoonfuls, tantrums and snuggling He loved her. Even on the nights when he was too tired to think, he would make his way back into the nursery to watch her. It seemed that when he woke:

He held her hands; tiny and damp from sucking on them as her little bare feet kissed the floor. She teetered away.  He stood tall above her, afraid she would fall and break. She went to Momma, turned and gurgled

"C'mon back..." he happily whispered and then swooped her into the air when his eager hands clasped hers. Their hearts filled with love and pride

"Daddeeeeeeee!" she laughed. He welcomed her return with silly raspberry kisses.

"I love you." he whispered into the crook of her neck. He inhaled the sweet smell of soap and milk.

And in that next instant he found himself yelling:

"Pedal-pedal-pedal-keeeeeep pedalling!"His mantra, as her skinny legs worked furiously to make the bike go. It wobbled and bounced around leaving his chest tight and his mind certain she would flop to the ground. He would never tell her the number of band aids he had in his pocket "just in case

"Daddy! Daddy! Watch ooooo Don't let go~ I can DOOOO it Daddy! Lemme GOOOOO!"

And he watched her sail away; bobbing and weaving. He chased her for a moment, until the panting and sweat slowed him and with amazement, he watched as she turned, popping into the grass of neighboring yards and clunked her way back to him. Pink streamers cracked and whistled with her brake-neck speed. The look of confidence and self satisfaction radiated from half way down the block. He laughed and gulped in the feeling. He clapped and wiped the sweat with his sleeve that must have trailed down to his eyes. They stung and watered some more. She squealed and zoomed by; just like these years he thought.  He shook his head and whispered he loved her.

Then as he blinked, she rubbed the steering wheel, swallowing a fear so huge, he heard it, or was that his own? He ran through the checklist for the eight hundredth time as Momma patted his back. He stepped away.

"Off you go then." And his lip quivered to see the tiny bike hanging long forgotten on the garage wall. Most of the streamers were gone and rust had claimed many of the spokes in those little wheels. She went around the corner and out of sight. He slowly wandered down the drive and stared until the tail lights disappeared. He continued to watch for her until his wife called "supper". Then for a lifetime, he laid in bed commanding the garage door open.  At a very late hour, it finally obeyed, letting her back in. He sighed and loved that she was all right. He whispered the words "I love you." with a soft smile

The church bells rang; clanging heavily. The tears could not be denied. People sat expectantly; fidgetting nervously. The man waited at the front for her. On weak knees, she willed herself to move. The aisle was miles long and the terror the unknown took breath after breath, leaving her chest burning.  Her lips tingled. Her palms sweated and her mouth felt full of sawdust. At last she reached the front though the last few steps felt as if her legs were made of lead. She reached out to hold his hand for comfort. Only the long cool metal of his casket held her now. She clutched the edge of the coffin hatefully, loathing the smoothness. Her quaking hands warily draped the lone pink tassel beside him on the white pillows of sorrow. Closing her eyes, feeling the thunder of silence,  she whispered the words she'd felt all her life

"I love you. Come back."


Surprised? Me too.  I cried all the way through this one.  I have a happier one on the way.  Pass the tissues please.  Thanks for coming over.  We all need a good cry now and again.