Our Tomorrow

"Sweetie. Go outside to play. I want to talk to Daddy." her voice was tight.  Even her daughter knew it was bad news.


"OOOOO you in TROU-ble Daddy." the little girl clicked her tongue and shook her head in sympathy.


"Lizzie." he grinned. "Do what your momma says."


The bright green shorts and orange pig tails flopped out the door with a resounding song:
"Daaaddy got in TROUUU-ble! Daaaaaddy got it TROUUU-ble!"


He watched her skip out to the yard and spin in circles; the sun stretching her shadow across the grass.


Gina wheeled around and pointed her finger at him.  "How do you sleep at night?" she hissed.


His eyes closed and he fought for control; calm.  A peaceful smile creased the mouth she'd been kissing for more than five years but now it enraged her.


"And all of this is a JOKE?" Her eyes flew open so wide he half waited to hear the wet "schlock" as they dribbled out of their sockets and on to the floor.


"No." he said quietly.


"Then you explain it all to me now.  Help me understand what's happened." through the gravel, he heard pleading and it hurt him to say the next words.


"No. It's better this way." it came out as a sigh filled with the knowledge that it wasn't better, not now. 


"Can I come in now? I'm bored." the little girl kicked at the top step.


"No baby. Not yet.  Go out and play with your  friends." her mother tossed over her shoulder.


"They're not out." she huffed.


"Play outside a little longer." Gina said, turning back to Aaron with renewed although quieter anger.


"You lied." 


"No."


"I hate you."


"No. You're mad."


"Oh No? How dare you tell me...leave."


"Now?" The tiny hands pushed on the screen as Lizzie peeked inside.  "I can come in?"


"NO" they both echoed.


"You don't want that." his voice was weak, unconvincing and her tears spoke much louder.


"Oh yes. Yes I do.  You won't explain where the money is? You "can't tell me" where you've been for the last five days?"  Her fingers snatched at the air like talons to make quotations.  "We have nothing left. No you and me, no future no nothing. You couldn't even tell me for the sake of our daughter?"


The last bit was what he was waiting for; the final blow. It hurt much more than he anticipated, but he took it all. Every stinging, nasty accusing word of it.  It would get better if she could just hold on a little bit longer.  It would be perfect for all of them; but not soon enough for her.


"You heard me Aaron.  Now or never."  Gina was tapping her foot.  At the rate she was going, he wondered if it would actually dig a hole it the rug.


"I just can't right now. It will ruin everything." It was now his turn to plead a little.


"There is where you are so very wrong.  Everything is already ruined.  You did it three days ago.  I hope she was worth every cent you spent, every lie you told because it cost you everything."  The tears came again in a hot disappointed torrent.  "This is bullshit"


He almost caved.  He almost broke down on his knees to take her in his arms and tell her everything.  He wanted to smell the fabric softener on her shirt.  He needed to feel her hands rake through his hair as she cried with him and most of all, he wanted to hear her tell him Yes, she loved him.  But he knew it wasn't the time. He knew he needed to wait, just as planned.  If he could weather the storm now, it would be more wonderful than it ever had been before between them.  She wouldn't care that he had been gone for a week and that the money in the account had dwindled. They would be on top of the world if she would just wait...


Gina's chest was heaving.  She was filled with regret and fury.  He had promised to never gamble again and they had done such a good job of putting money away to buy a house.  They had a savings account for their daughter.  They were moving in the right direction; so she thought.  She had touted it in front of the disbelievers: her family.  "See? He isn't so selfish.  He loves me. We will make it through and live happily ever after."  But he had disappeared.  No call, no note, nothing.  He hadn't even given her a heads up that the money was low in their account.  Ohhhh no. She'd been embarrassed at the market when she couldn't buy food for their family.  Their child.  When he'd come back, he was distant and secretive.  Phone calls were whispered and he was sneaking out.  He had fallen down and was dragging both her and her daughter with him.


"Who is she? Will you tell me that before you go?"  The words caused her mouth to go dry. They hung sourly in front of him.  He looked amazed....that she had figured it out? She snorted.  "I guess I was right. You selfish prick. Get the Hell away from us."


Aaron lowered his head in defeat.


"Now? I'm cold Mamma."


"NO LIZZIE. NO." The little girl turned and galloped out to the yard where she began to beat a ball with a stick.  Her friends called to her from across the way.  She waved.


Gina stomped around gathering everything that was his; tossing it into a pile in the middle of the floor.  Her breath grew louder and more forced as she dodged his hands like they were made of bloody rotting meat. His words stopped coming when she flashed him a look filled with something he'd never seen before; hate.


"Gina" he begged.


"No more. Never again. You are the most selfish, cruel, careless man I've ever known.  I've wasted my life and hope with you.  Well, no more." He watched as sweat glistened across her forehead.  She began to shake.  Her temper was slow to rise but it was way beyond boiling point now.  She continued to talk and berate him as she threw his things together.


"Don't Gina."


"...couldn't care LESS about us..." he heard and finally, she picked up the box and shoved it at him.  "Done. We're done." With that, she brushed her curly hair from her eyes and glared at him until he headed for the door.  "I'll pack the rest and leave it on the porch.  Don't come when I'm here. I don't care what happens to you from now on Aaron." she spat and shut the door so hard behind him the knob goosed him.


He slowly headed for the car.  Lizzie looked up from across the street where she was playing with her friend.
He put the box in the car and turned to call her over.  She was already half way in the road.  The car that was coming was going too fast to see her. Aaron screamed her name.


Gina heard the tires and the scream. She raced out the door and ran into the street.  Her heart was pounding in her mouth.  Her hands drrew up to her ears in an attempt to stop the crash and thud from bones meeting metal and glass.  She saw bright green shorts and knobby knees as a crimson rivulet wound around her little piggies.  Toes Gina had kissed and sniffed.  In the street lay her daughter. 


"No no no no no no" Gina just kept repeating shoving through the people who were gathering.  "My baby. No no no...Lizzie."


As she raced around the car she almost fell; tripping over the victim. Aaron.  He lay in the street, his body twisted and broken.  Blood seemed to crawl from every pore of his skin.  He stared at the street blinking slowly.  She froze feeling all of the anger pool at the soles of her feet.  Her body began to get heavy.  Her scalp tingled as her brain registered what she was seeing.  She cupped her throat and gasped, unable to speak until Lizzie rolled over; a small scratch on her head peppered with some gravel.  Seeing her mother in such a state of shock, the little girl began to wail.  "Daddy pushed me Momma! Daddy pushed me down hard!" Gina didn't hear her daughter.  She sank to her knees and cradled Aaron.  She smoothed his face and kissed his head.  The blood stained her mouth.  She thought she was wiping his tears as they rushed down his face, but they were her own.  She begged him to stay with her. She promised it would be all right.  She was wrong.  They would make it. She said she loved him. Sirens screeched into the neighborhood. 


He never heard her.


The hospital room was choked in silence.  She sat and saw through the television until a man came to take her by the elbow.  He led her down a hallway apologizing with each step.  Her feet scuffed the tile floor.  Her legs felt hollow and weak.  They stopped at a doorway where she simply refused continue.


"Mrs. Bellamy." he said softly.  I have your husband's things. 


"We weren't married " she whispered.


"Oh." he looked away embarrassed and disappeared coming back with an envelope. "I'm so sorry for your loss." With a gentle touch on the arm, he drifted off.


Gina patted the envelope feeling all that was left.  His money, his wallet and another small envelope.  She opened it and began to sob.  Reaching for the wall, she slid down to cradled herself.  The tears splashed painfully on the floor.  She let the paper drip through her fingers. 


My Gina, 


I know what you have been thinking and can not blame you.  But it is now time for the truth.  I DID go away.  I DID spend that money without talking to you.  I did a lot of things without your input and my hope is that this will be perfect.  You deserve no less.  You had faith in me when I had nothing; not even hope.  You have given me everything to live for: a family and love.  I want to spend the rest of my life knowing you, cherishing you and growing with you.  


I spent the money on our tomorrow.  It's ready and waiting for you if you'll just say yes.
I'll love you then; always tomorrow.


Aaron




The small engagement ring clinked on the floor next to the house key tied with a red ribbon.