No one was hurt

Ah yes, tests. There are those that we take on paper and study for. My children despise them and stomp through them. I usually tell them they have to suck it up, roll up their sleeves and give life a little more elbow grease.

Then there are the other tests. The ones for patience, stamina, wherewithal, sanity and general survival.  I believe these crop up in our lives ( much like a video game obstacles we have to dodge quickly) to see if we are paying attention.

Well for the record? Today? Oh you bet your sweet BIPPY I am paying attention!

For those of you who don't know, Cheech and the kids were in an accident.  No one was hurt.  They were coming back from the mountain and a moron who thought that just because he drove a truck, he was invincible in the snow, took a turn too fast and smacked into Cheech. Sigh. Inconvenient to say the least, but again no one was hurt.

So I get the call during my spa... the first girls' weekend we've been able to snag in over a year. I was grateful that I was reasonably close and able to go and get them.

Lalala we get the car fixed (it's still in the shop and so we had to drive and extra three hours to get a little help with another vehicle ~ again I am grateful and glad we had this to our advantage)

So let's move on shall we? Get to the good stuff. The crux of it all.

This morning we woke up and began our hamster dance. You know the one in the wheel? I had a meeting at 2p-had to leave with my partner at one.  Meeting was to last until 3:30p at which time we would drive back to the office.  Cheech and I then had to finagle (love that word) getting Boo to a wrestling match way south of town, pick him up at 5 and head way up north to pick up my daughter at 6 (not physically possible) BUT not to worry; we've got this all figured out! ( I know you were twitching on the edge of your desk chair) Cheech will grab Boo, meet me at the Dunkin on the way to Sissy's school and I will pick up the relay from there.  (He has to work a midnight shift tonight... hence the hamster dance) It's okay to clap for our ingenuity ~ I don't mind. Well, late last night, I got an email that the meeting was canceled.  No problem. It just pulls out one of the stops and possible hang ups. Yay ~ go team.

We huddle over coffee, drew up the new plans and high-five ourselves... tired of waiting for you... ;)
I head upstairs to sing songs and get ready for a decent though a little hectic day.

*Insert villainous music*

In the mirror, I see Cheech standing in the doorway. "Hmmm" I think to myself because he is standing there not in an amorous "I love you...need you ..." kinda way but more of a "This smells and is broken" stance. I prefer the former.

I lower my dancing hand and stop celebrating...The Bee Gees will obviously have to wait.

"The door on the Caddy won't close."

I squint as if the words he's said are too tiny to see. I simply can not register that our plan is on the skids.
I tilt my head and look like Winston. "Mmmm?" I say in an unintentional Yoda voice. I realize that "Tragedy" is playing... how apropos.

"The Caddy door won't close. I will have to take your car to work the store. You stay here until noon. I will come and get you, take you to the office where you can get the delivery car..."

I instantly pick up the ball and begin running the new play. "YES. And you go to get Boo. I will simply work later, drive to DD at previously set time and we will swap kids, you can go to Philly and I will pick up our daughter and go home. "

BOOM SHE SCORES! I am proud that we thought of this so quickly and nothing really changes too drastically.

I text my partner and tell him I am in no uncertain terms having a motherfiretrucker of a day. He offers so kindly to come and fetch me. (He would never use that word and would make fun of me for doing so.. I don't think he reads this so... HAHAHA...) I turn down his offer and settle in for some work I have to do on the computer ~ still out nothing and no one is hurt.

I go upstairs to jail and release the short prisoners we keep.  The toddlers love sick days, snow days, any day they don't have to be in prison.  It means quality time under blankets sleeping with ... whoever.  (I think it could be a robber and if they stopped to sit down? My toddlers would love it.) They are jumping and tugging at me just SO happy to be free that Birdie makes tee-tee on the floor.  I understand that kind of joy but am not happy about it.  I go in to get a towel to clean it up and on my way back see Winston hike his leg and mark on top of it. REALLY DUDE? He lowers his head ..

"I can't help myself Mommy. I'm a boy. I'm a dog.... the odds are ALWAYS against me."

He doesn't even flinch but goes right back in to prison. I hear him break wind, yawn and he lies down with a sigh that would blow out the sides of his box if they didn't have holes. He knew it was the right thing to do. I laughed and shut the prison gate.  "Sleep tight buddy. See you at your parole hearing tonight."

After cleaning up TWO messes, I head downstairs at last to begin my work. I boot up...
no internet.

"Ohhh COME ON DAMMIT"

I try again, reboot, reconnect, reiterate a fowl string of dirty words and reset modems, firewalls, the microwave clock (just in case). Holy Hannah... nothing. I can't even sponge off my neighbor's connection! So I go to my phone and play my Minion game. Love those little buggers. After giggling with my tiny yellow friends I collect myself, grind my teeth ONE more time for good measure, head BACK downstairs to reconnect, reset, and threaten to burn it all to the ground if I don't catch ONE motherfiretrucking break this morning for all the effort and patience I've exuded from my pores like a sumo wrestler wallowing in the heat of the day in a Cialis sized tub filled with pork fat. Too  much? You get the idea don't you? You see my emotional sweater unraveling? Yeah well, stop pullin at it.

I stomp upstairs, glare at my laptop, flip a warning look up to God and fire it up.

... and here I am to gladly report from the Internet

that no one got hurt.

Go ahead. I know it's funny ... just not yet. Let us hope that my evening is flawless. Who wants to wager that the place where I pick up dinner (I won't even speculate where that is yet because I have a feeling it doesn't matter) has an instantaneous and business crippling fire...as I get my fountain drink or pick up a couple extra pepper packets. No? Don't wanna?

you chicken.

Better days my friends. I hope you have one (for me)