What You Heard

I swear I was only gone for a second.  I had to put some things in order, clean up a little.  She is so young and tiny; why she'd never leave my side.  She's just a baby; still bobbles when she walks ~ I thought.  But when I came back, her little bed was empty.  I could still see the shape of her in the blankets.  I could still feel the warmth of her in them and I could still smell her.  It meant she had to be close.  Maybe just a silly game of hide and seek.  She loves that game you know.


Of course I looked everywhere; bottling my fear and stifling my panic; hoping it didn't radiate in my calling for her. I glanced outside as I rushed up the stairs, thinking I would perhaps see her tiny form just resting on the porch, but I didn't.  How could this have happened? Guilt began to creep under my skin.  Fear made it prickle.  My pulse quickened and my breath became pants as I ripped through our rooms; peeking in cracked closets and searching under beds.


"Ha! You're Mommy's little prankster Lilly! You win. Come on out now..." my voice cracked with worry.


Silence.  My chest seemed to fill with desperation.  "Where are you Lilly?" The first of the tears snuck down my face.  I swiped at them angrily.  Not now. Not til she was home with me.  I got mad.


"Right this instant Little Miss. EEE~NOUGH!" 


Nothing.  Her brother and sister who were trailing along spoke in fearful whispers.


"Where is Lilly?"
"Why isn't she coming Momma?"
"Is she in trouble?"


My only response was more calling.  I could feel my voice begin to hitch.  The questions hammered inside my head driving stray tears and ugly thoughts.  The stone in my chest was getting heavier.  At last I went outside. I wailed some more but the gusts from the scolding wind seemed to choke me.  My voice was failing.  The kids began to yell too.  We all sensed the urgency in the cold scolding of the darkness.  I strained my ears, willing, DARING the night to try to keep her from me.  I would find my little girl.  Harshly my voice rattled through the air and cracked with pleading.  I raced down the winding driveway to the road.  My mouth filled with her name.  Lilly. Sweet Lilly.  Cars raced by me.


"SLOW DOWN!" I hissed at them as their indifferent heat smacked me; almost knocking me over.  I sat at the edge and listened; tears rushing in full streams down my cheeks.  They were drowning everything out. Then I heard it; the tiniest cry; lost, frightened and unsure.  I screamed her name with renewed hope; clear and strong.


"LILLY! It's MOMMY"


"Mommy?"


Ohhh she was so far away.  How could she have gone so far? I gulped at the night, defying it to stop me now.  My heart thundered as my nerves began to tingle with fire.  Where? Where are you Darling? I will come...just help me a little more...give me a little more.  I'm coming. I promise.


"Mommy? It's so dark here."


My body filled with electricity. My ears pricked up to catch any sound; even a breath.  


"Keep talking Lilly. Tell me what you had for breakfast." I turned to capture the direction of her shaking voice.


"I don't know. I'm cold."  It was a whimper.


I caught it. I heard her shift...off to my right in the woods where we played every day.  I began to clomp through the briers as they tore at my legs.  Branches smacked at me.


"What's your favorite color Baby?" I hollered again.  Her brother and sister were panting now and flanking me yipping for their sister. 


"Lilly! LILLY!"


"I'm sorry Mommy." her voice was closer.  I felt a smile creep into my throat.


"What color is that?" I laughed and began to run.  There was mud up to my ankles and I wondered how she had managed to get here.  


Then her brother ran ahead of me screaming for her.  At last, he had seen her.  We pushed into some bushes and found her crying alone and dirty.  I wrapped myself around her and allowed the rush of the moment to spill over in laughter and tears.  She cried hard me.  We were trembling, simply happy to see each other again. I lead my troop back to the house.




"Honey? Do you hear that?"


"Yeah..."


"It's awful. What IS that wailing out there?"


"Forget it.  It's just an old Tomcat. It'll be gone in the morning.  Go back to sleep."





Silly I know.  It stems from an incident up at Promises:  We found a TINY kitten, lost and wobbly in the brush.  Knowing better than to catch it, we watched as it cried and wandered through the woods; rushing from hiding spot to hiding spot.  It was something I could hear no matter where I was in the house.  My heart was breaking for it, knowing it was too young to survive the night.  At last when the sun was just setting, I heard this wailing.. long and woeful and "adult". It seemed to last forever.  Morning came and the little one was gone.  Perhaps she made it.  I like to hope so... But it made me think of how I'd feel if...