DECIDING

She wanted to see him again but only his memories floated behind her eyes at night.  She also wanted it to be only on her terms and so she would sigh heavily, resigned to the fact that it would never happen. She tapped her pencil daydreaming alone in her back office, enjoying the break from the tedious and most hated part of her job; paperwork. She sighed again and rubbed her temple, attempting to chase the headache sneaking in under her glasses.


It was nothing to hear the door to the office even in these off hours and since no one called out, the assumption was made that it was merely one of her coworkers who would know that she was back in the lab.  It was the first part of the month and everyone knew where she'd be.  She usually began moping the week prior.  She continued to scan the reports and compare notes, ignoring the footsteps.  Only when he cleared his throat at the doorway, did she stop.  Her body sensed him before she turned to confirm it.  She felt the color drain from her face and was certain her knees had suddenly become filled with hot lead.  She placed her hands on the table to steady herself and hopefully catch her jaw that had fallen open.  On what felt like baby giraffe legs, she stood and stepped over to greet him feeling that a handshake was the only thing appropriate but he pulled her close and whispered in the crook of her shoulder;


"I've missed you."


Her mouth quivered into a smile though it felt full of sawdust and the flush in her cheeks was deep.  Words raced inside her head: "Every single day we've been apart, I've cried just a little."  Squeezing his arm and blinking back tears, she pulled away and began to shuffle papers until her composure was reset. She said nothing and sat back in her chair.  Cocking her head she looked at him as if he were one of her studies.  She let him begin the conversation. For the longest time, it was polite.  They laughed and she truly enjoyed their time catching up.


"What happened?" he finally asked quietly moving to her side of the room


"You don't remember?"


"Does it matter?" his wan smirk was disarming.


"To me it did.  You did." The last part caught in her throat softly.  She grimaced and looked down, wishing instantly she'd not said it.  She knew better than to give him any more of her emotion. She held her breath forcing herself to focus on the pain he'd caused.


He took her hand and looked right into her heart.  She could not pull away feeling the warmth of his touch.  He moved forward and got down on his knees before her.   He reached for her skirt and pushed gently, coaxing it passed her knees to offer only a peek at her muscular tanned legs. He slowly inched her off her chair,  his hands cradled her against him, holding firmly her backside.  He dropped his head and hastily unbuttoned her blouse, tugging at her bra so he could taste more intimate flesh. His hand raced under cloth; shoving and tugging to get at her.  But upon reaching her, he slowed and was more gentle, cautious. Stroking the most intimate parts of her patiently, he felt the first wave of her need as it caused her to buck against him; her entire body tightening and quaking. He watched her smile softly, relishing the pleasure she took from all of his kisses, words and movements.  She made him feel wanted and strong.  He went weak when she whispered his name.


 She bit her lip and felt her legs immediately tighten enough that she supposed any nearby walnut was doomed. She gasped as he whispered her name along her skin, drowning in the luxury of his soft kiss.  His breath came to her in warm eager puffs as he slid her off the chair onto his lap.   She couldn't think anymore; her thoughts muddled by the pulse thundering in her ears. The hunger growled inside her body and with insistent fingers, she raked his hair and kissed him hard. They explored each others mouths; panting together, wrestling with their clothes.  Her body throbbed with want.  Her nipples flashing pink and erect to the brush of his lips and soft scrape of his teeth. Ecstasy raged through her in shivers and goose bumps She moaned his name and clung to his shape.   She cried out and muffled her moans against him, moving above him with power and desire. She loved how he shifted; eager to meet the requests she made with her body and soft voice.  She never had to ask twice for a touch "like that" loving the hunger in his body when she whispered "please".


They pushed against each other until their skin was slick and warm and they were out of breath.  He smoothed her hair and touched her lips so lightly with his own, that tears fell from her eyes.  She opened them and he saw it.  Sadness.  "Dammit" was what he thought he heard.  Confused, he pulled at her to stay, wanting only to hold her.  He stroked her leg, but she would have none of it.  She juked as if his skin secreted acid.  "Please don't." she said quietly, pulling at her clothes. " Just go. I am such a fool." she was scolding herself more than him.  "This hurts.  You hurt... you hurt." the last refrain came out almost inaudibly but with such agony, he sucked in his breath.  His shoulders shrank and he stared at the floor.


With almost a frenzied embarrassment, she yanked her clothes around her and pulled away.  The lump was forming in her chest; heavy and hard.  She felt her teeth grit and a new flush surged under her skin. Anger. "Please." Now she implored him.  She had made a mistake and gotten so carried away in what once was; that she had set her heart back.  It would have to begin to heal again.  She turned her back to him tugging at herself as if she felt under dressed; naked in a shopping mall was how she felt.


It was his turn to feel remorse.  He bent down and kissed the top of her head smelling her shampoo, lightly dampened with sweat.  He sighed and said  "Let's go for dinner. Please?  I'll call you."


"Sure.  I understand." she mumbled tightly.  She cleared her throat and shuffled papers, finding an excuse to move away from him.


He turned and left her staring blankly at her work.  The tears were warm, salty with regret.  Only after she heard the door close did she permit the soft crying to come and be her company again; always for him.


Her phone rang and she glared at it, remembering his number after all this time.  She didn't speak but acknowledged the call.


"Dinner?" he asked shyly.


 The answer was no in her head.  In fact, it was screaming.  But she asked "Where?"


"You decide."




Surprise! How's THAT for a Tuesday night?  heehee... I've been bogged down with some really sad and depressing research so I decided to cut myself a break and go to the other end of the scale.  We all need a little smut and passion, right? Well, I do anyway. So I have this to share with you for now.  I hope you enjoyed it.  Thank you for visiting.  I hope to spend some more time with you soon.