WPS

Ahhh yes, I'm back out just a little more slowly this time.  I love George.  He was amazing in concert and there just is no way I can sit still during this song so I thought it was a nice re-inspiration. Dont worry, clearance was given and it feels great to get out and breathe...much to the disappointment of the dogs who don't understand that we can stay under the blankets forever.

I can only sit home for so long so let's get moving. 

Happy Monday.

George Thorogood - Who Do You Love?

Great

"We can do this in the office."
"Great."
but then it came back..."ummm no we can't You'll need to go to the hospital."
"Great."
"It's a simple procedure."
"great."
That became three separate procedures and after reading up on the "big one"? Simple never crossed my mind.
But it needed to be done. So we said "Let's go".  We were thinking it would take place after our vacation
BZZZZZ wrong AGAIN Tess! "We have room for you in a week."
" Firetrucking GRRRREAT!". So I worried and I cried.

The hospital called and on three separate occasions, I gave phone interviews. They asked if I had a religious preference and a living will. I worried and cried some more. I paced a lot; making that little race track around my dining room table. (Not even Maximus could pull the nap back up. But he tried. I love him for that.)  They asked what if I knew what was going to happen on the day of surgery.  I described as politely as I could what I understood the procedures would be.  One of them involved a camera..."Would you like 8x10's or just some nice glossy wallets when we're finished in there?" she asked me.  I wanted the package with the bookmarks and charm pendants.  We laughed. Through the nervousness there was comfort in laughter.

Cheech drove me over and held me a lot. He made sure his face was the one I looked at while  my nurse and half the township installed my IV. Good GOD! I never knew they needed a back hoe to do that crap. I gritted my teeth and blinked back some more tears. Needles. Everywhere. They brought me blankets fresh out of the dryer and I was snuggly warm. And then we headed down the hall.  One thing that was cool was that sporadic ceiling tiles were tropical scenes and crystal blue skies.  I imagined my cruise coming up shortly. I closed my eyes and counted the bumps in the floor as we headed down to OR. Cheech kissed me and said "Ill see you soon" My safety net walked down the hall.  Couldn't he just hold my hand a little longer? Just until I was asleep? I wiped the tear and breathed in deep.

I met with my anesthesiologist and we discussed the wonderful drugs I would be given. He patted my hand and walked away. Despite the warm blanket, I was shivering.  I was trollied into a room filled with clanking metal, tables resembling medieval torture devices and beeping meters, and several people all wearing "party hats"

"Well here's our guest of honor." I could see her mask wiggling into a smile. I tried to smile back but I think I just squinted sweetly.  I saw my anesthesiologist again.  "ready?" he asked softly.

"I suppose so. I got all dressed up for this party..." and I heard the crinkling of the happy fun bag as it was piggybacked to my IV.  I waited for sleep to come.  It seemed like several minutes but I'm sure it wasn't.  I began to feel heavy and floaty.

and for those of you who know the importance of this phrase... I said "I'm gonna jus check on tha kids...."
Good night Sweet Rapunzel. 

I woke softly and remember (barely) counting bumps in the floor.  I saw pretty blue skies and wondered if I had slept through my vacation.  A gruff pain reassured me I had not.  I sat quietly, my head bobbing and I believe I was humming to myself.  I heard music but no one else was dancing...It's okay, it wasn't that great of a song.  I saw faces now not just eyes and white papery smears of masks.  They brought me more dryer blankets and we moved in to recovery.  They pulled the curtain around me and left me for a few.  I noticed the pattern on the drapes was like sea grass with bubbles on it.  I felt like I was in a glass of pop.  All fizzy.
Then Cheech came in.  I smiled and he kissed me. I was so doped up I probably pulled a Tommy Lee/Heather Locklear moment and licked his face.  He laughed at me in my foggy state and only now am I getting bits and pieces of the hilarity that is me on narcotics.  Intense conversations that begin but fade. Simple words that fall out without provocation...and of course giggling.

"I feel like I'm floating."
"I'll bet.  You act like it."
"In a glass of pop."
"mmmhmmm."
"Want some cookies?"
"No thank you."
"Lornaaaa DOOOOONES"
"yes I see. You have some in your hair and down your party dress here... How do you feel?"
"Grrrrreaaaaaat." hehehehehe

The ride home was uneventful for me. I missed about half of it and don't remember getting put up to bed.  Birdie refused to leave me but sat outside my door and when finally permitted in, laid at my side.  Winston? Well, he was more interested in Lorna Doone crumbs from my clothing but today, he is my buddy.

I'm sore and home today.  I thought I would take a moment and give you the skinny.  All is right in my world although I feel like a baby giraffe...all wobbly and gawky. Overall? It was for a good cause; a necessary one and the people around me both professional and family?  well, they were nothing short of

GREAT.

Thanks for all the positive thoughts, good laughs and ...well, just being you.  I appreciate it.
Let the giggling and pointing begin!

Hey Pretty People.
I'm going to be out for a couple of days, surgery day fast approaches and as funny as it would be, I've decided I will not pull an Edgar Allan Poe and write under the influence;  but rest assured, I will be back soon. I have a couple of really good stories to post and some funny stuff to share.

I hope this finds you well and happy. 
I'll miss you but we'll get to hang out soon.
Hope to see you in a few.
Take care,
love,
Tess

WPS

What can you say? WOO! I am so glad for my lil ear buds.  My children would hate me for this but you KNOW it's one to turn up.

Why thank you Angus, I believe I WILL go a little harder...

C'mon warriors. Catch up.

AC/DC - Thunderstruck

What would I know...

As a mom of a teen, I am struggling with letting go, being a confidant, and remaining a parent.  This is no small task and no matter how hard I look, my manual just doesn't cover some of the topics we've been dealing with; although we have improved greatly when it comes to sock folding. Thanks Parent Manual!  You're the BEST!!

My daughter has always been a bit of a tomboy and I don't know where she got it. ;) But now she is just beginning to like guys and cross over into "tanity" (teen vanity) I've been reasonable: permitting certain outfits but not all, no makeup yet and as many of you know perfume lessons. Well, there was a guy she liked; a lot and she got all giggly when she talked about him. She blushed when he called her for homework help or to work on a project together.  But he wouldn't ask her out. So she stepped up to the plate; swung and missed. Let me tell you...the rain fell on "Casey at bat".She cried and sobbed. She stood and stared at the mirror wondering why she was so ugly and why he couldn't like her.  She was convinced she'd never find anyone as cute or nice or funny as this guy...

My famous words:

A guy worth your tears would never make you cry.

I tried to encourage her and comfort her.  I tried to tell her there would be others...lots of others. But she would hear none of it.  I reminded her how beautiful she was and that someone somewhere was admiring her and she didn't even know it.  I got the first "You just don't KNOOOOOW MOM!!!!...." and more tears. *sigh* I was at a loss.  I hate it when my kids hurt...especially like that.  I was only hurt like that once and the scar is still very fresh, even now. I believe it always will be and I would give anything to keep that kind of pain from their little hearts. I know that I will fail, but I would do it if I could. I'm sure you know what I mean.
So to start, I meant to dedicate a lovely song for my daughter but as I always say "Karma comes around." (I will post it anyway because I sing it loud and proud for my baby girl...minus the kissy part... Because she is nothing short of amazing to me. Nothing.)

 Anyhow, we went up north this weekend where she took out her frustration on the mountain.  She began to forget the boy who broke her heart, shattered her confidence and made her doubt herself.  She stood her ground, and conquered the snowy mammoth. She ripped it up and looked amazing. I get so excited watching her snow board.  She promises me she will teach me...maybe next year...( I really do plan to do it. You know that right? IF you know me you do.)  It was a pretty good day. She was tired and satisfied with what she had accomplished and even with her spills, she stood tall and ultimately succeeded.

"C'mon Doll, let's hit it" I said as Cheech and I collected the kids.  We waited a few minutes as Boo raced down toward us. He has no fear. Lord knows I carry enough for us all when it comes to that...heehee. I find myself twisting my body where I THINK he should go.  That will be fun when driving lessons are in order, don'tcha think?

"Uh...Hi." came a voice from behind us. 

My daughter turned around.  A guy stood there kind of toeing the snow and looking almost too intently at my daughter.  Cheech shifted his weight and I though I heard him flex under his coat.

"Hi." she said and looked back at me. I shrugged and smiled.

"Soooo you board?" he asked with his poles in his hand, removing his sunglasses.

"Yeah." she lifted her gear to confirm.

Cheech stepped forward. I pointed to our son as if he was on fire as he soared toward us. "LOOK!"

"I ski." he said and bobbed his head toward his boots.

"Cool." She smiled brightly.

Cheech's face twisted a bit, like he'd smelled something dirty. I nudged him and collected my boys.
Maddie looked at me. "What do I do?" she hissed with a joyous panic.

"Ask him if he skis here every weekend because we are here most of the time."

She quickly nodded and discovered he was not a regular.

"Okay..well, you do a great job. I think you're cool." He smiled at her.

My daughter melted the snow beneath her feet.  I shooed the boys toward the car.  Cheech only took about four steps and then stopped. Watching...like any great papa bear. The boy's friends came up and the conversation died. 

"I guess I gotta go..." he said quietly.

"Kay, I hope I see you again." she said sweetly and left him with his buddies elbowing and sniggering.
"Now what?" she whispered excitedly to me.

"Get his email? or his phone?"

"Oh yeah right...." and she turned back to talk to him. I walked ahead slowly and heard her muttering the information over and over so as not to forget it.

"What's going on?" Ben asked.

"NOTHING!" everyone replied and kept going.  The elephant somehow fit in the car and now had a name: JT.

My daughter reached through the seats on the way home and gently touched my shoulder.  'Thanks Mom."

"For what Doll?"

"For helping me." her teeth were so shiny I had to squint to deflect her smile.

"Sometimes, only sometimes Maddie....I DO know."

I squeezed her hand.

This is a quick one...there seems to be a great want for the computer...I believe JT is awaiting...

Thanks for stopping in. I hope you smiled with me. I thought it was sweet.
See you soon.

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are [Debut Single]

Thursday

Long ago, a lifetime to be exact; I barely remember being ushered out the door to the sound of a screeching baby and thick shouting.  The scar from my branding still itched down deep in my skin.  My old man was swearing; slurred dark promises of violence and hate spewed from his gaping hateful mouth.  Why? some people are just broken I guess. I've tried to shut the door on those memories; preferring to call them nightmares and pushing them all too eagerly to the back of my mind to collect dust and be forgotten eventually. That day has yet to meet me.


My forever family as they became known loved me; taught me gentleness, kindness and laughter.  I knew what happiness was and that it didn't come with a price.  I grew into a confident satisfied young man.  I had a wonderful future ahead of me where I would help those less fortunate. I was compelled to do so. The scar on my arm made sure of that. I wanted no one to experience those dreams of mine.


She sat in the park a lot; a dirty sweater wrapped around her hunched shoulders rocking back and forth often muttering to herself.  I guess she was known as the village idiot; Haley.  She rarely spoke to people; instead shrinking from their words like they were weapons themselves.  I had never known her to be anything else but an eccentric street person who suffered from mental disorders. This is what my education told me with indifference, but she weighed on my mind unlike other cases I studied. I began to inquire about her.  Rumors stemmed from her being done wrong by her momma's man, to being witness to a murder, and even a savant. I became inexplicably obsessed with her, following her, sitting with her to push her for conversation. I just knew I could reach her. More selfishly, I felt I HAD to.


Slowly the ice melted and she began to speak; softly and one word answers.  Our first conversations were choppy and abrupt, but I had been given encouragement so I pursued tirelessly.  We began to walk together, eat together and after months, I heard her laugh. I saw her smile.  It was an incredible victory, leaving me impressed with my talents and insight.  She became my only patient.  Our friendship grew and strengthened. She was as warm as the sunny days we strolled in.  Sometimes she wrapped her arm through mine and listened as I told her funny stories or related things from my day or my philosophies. 


It was a Thursday. We had walked  down through town, wandering to the old Davies' farm; the town's junkyard dog. He was a mean old bastard that after finally stepping over the line, had been shot as he staggered up his walk.  Nobody really seemed too concerned with finding the guilty party.  The way I heard it, most thought a great service had been done for the community.


She froze and stared at the house; cocking her head as if it was speaking to her.  The warped structure glared at her from the over growth. Tears began to well up and spill over.  I didn't understand. I asked her over and over if she was hurt.  She took off running and throwing rocks she snatched from the road.  Grunts and pants accompanied her wild pitches. A guttural scream tore at her throat as she crumpled to the ground in front of the dilapidated shack.  She sat broken and sobbing.  I raced up to catch her, cradling her in my arms.  Together we huddled as she told me a horrific, ugly story of abuse I could only dream of. I kissed her hair and tried to soothe her.

"Those are nightmares. They will go away Haley..."

She clung to me as the years of pain fell out into my lap. I draped my jacket around her and pulled her closer in my arms. Suddenly she grabbed at my wrist and twisted it harshly.  I winced but permitted her to see my scar.  She wailed and cupped my face kissing me.


"You. It was you."


I was confused by her words. "What?"


She pulled her sleeve back to reveal a scar identical to my own.  The nightmares flooded my head, clouded my eyes with tears of recognition and treacherous memory. I sank next to her, shaking.


We sobbed together in the dirt in front of our father's house; my sister and I.

WPS

So here we are again.
Why this song? Well, they are my dirty boys first of all and this song affects me deeply; especially now.  Things have been rough and tumble; filled with unpleasantries, hardships and some scary decisions. I don't mean to sound ominous or cryptic; we're all dealing with something after all, aren't we?  This is one of those songs that gives me strength. Silliness, but all too true.

As many of you know (and more of us have discussed...) there is a race that looms above me (aside from our Warrior Dash) . One that will kick my ass no matter how hard I work. To prove that point to myself I went for a run. I ran until my lungs burned and I thought my legs were gone.  My feet were numb and the threat of vomiting was real.  But I did not stop, I simply turned around and deciding I'd gone half way, began to head back. I wanted to cry. For a moment I thought  "This is stupid and you can't do it. Pick another race." And when I had convinced myself that it was a good idea; after my pulse had stopped thrumming behind my eyes and my rear end had quit twitching, I got an email from a friend; who encouraged and laughed with me about fear and reminded me just how dangerous self doubt is.

Turn it up folks. We have some more laps to do as well as a race to run. Pick up the pace Warriors. Together, we can do anything.

And thank you my friend.

Nickelback - If today was your last day (Lyrics)

GREMLINS

I know you have them. YOU know you have them. Hell, I have them.  Gremlins; the ones who take the blame for stuff that gets broken, dirty, ruined or altered in some way that is displeasing from its original condition. My house is currently overrun with them and they had one WHALE of a party last night
How do I know? Well because this morning when I woke up the toilet paper dispenser in the kids' bathroom was crumpled on the floor. Who did it?

smile and mutter with me:  IIIIIIII dunnnnooooooo

The kids' rooms were completely destroyed by these thoughtless brutes: clothes out of the dressers, off hangers; in piles (dirty or clean? Who firetrucking KNEW) papers, school stuff, games...OH DEAR LORD! Those naughty beasts had had a FIELD day in my home~

I found schnippits of paper had been helplessly dragged into the hall accompanied by ink from my son's fountain pen on my carpet (green to be truthfull, fabulous green)

Toothpaste had been squirted angrily into the sink...NOT USED mind you just farted right in to it and left to dry. Perhaps they were trying to sign their name? Send me a warning like Lassie...
"What? The sherriff is tied up and the jail is burning down??"

 Wash rags? Left crumpled and soggy in the corner of the tub one still cradling a bar of Zest. (Note: Zest melts faster in water than any other soap.  It becomes a doughy, fresh scented goo ball in these damp conditions...just so you know.)

  Towels TOWELS???? weeeelll Lemme tell YOU that they were in a heap peeking at me around the corner. I think there was a gremlin or two left in there because I swear to you I heard a growl.  Maybe Winston just got lost in there.  He hasn't been out in a while......

Who's is this? NOOOOOT MIIIIINE

Who left this here? NOT MEEEEE

So being the completely unreasonable and "stinky" mom, I of course took it out on the most innocent children I could find; my own.  Can you believe it? I made them wash, scrub, fold, and pitch all that "Gremlin poop" that was left around. They had to work for almost forty five minutes in the bathroom ALONE.  At least I have Kaboom foam for them to use: it tells you when everything is all clean by changing colors. Whew! I mean really, let's be thankful for small gifts, eh?

When they were done at last having helped me spackle and rehang the toilet paper thingie, we sat and looked around.  All was nice and neat; in its place...lovely. Gremlin free.

Mom?

Yes?
I sighed gently patting the youngest gremlin's head.

Why can't the house look this good all the time?

I duuuunooooooo...was all I could say but it struck me funny.


Enjoy the game tonight. We have quite a feast planned.

Until next time; be good to yourself and thanks for popping in to see me.

I tried not to

Yeah, it's that never say never thing.  I wasn't going to say a word. I was just going to keep my dom mouth shut buuuuut....

IT'S WARRIOR TIME!!!!!

YES! I wasn't sure if anyone was going to do it. I know some had a horrible time and so I figured I would just do it on my own and celebrate quietly. But I thought better of it, floating the idea only to be pleasantly surprised by several acceptances.  I have even recruited a couple of newbies.  We are looking at June (I think) but we are still in the wrangling/scheduling stages. Soooo I guess we're back to hot and sweaty Mondays. hmmm...

Then the glove was thrown.  A couple of us have muttered about another race but I was steadfast in thinking I wouldn't attempt it until NEXT year.  We are not certain yet who will go, I don't know HOW I'll be physically ready but it's a whopper.  It's the Tough Mudder competition; similar to what we do now but it is three times the race and THEN add the obstacles.  It scares me; nine to twelve miles (depending on the venue...) Here: go look and then we can nervously giggle and point:

http://www.toughmudder.com/

We are yapping about the one at the end of October. So I must step it up a notch or three.  Today began the weights and strength training on top of my running. It's not that I haven't been doing it, but I increased. Once this stupid weather gets out of my way, I'll begin to run. 

I feel like the principal in Ferris Bueller: "Niiiiine tiiiiimes?" Niiiiiiiiine?"  heehee.

Well, I don't know if it will happen (the second and more deadly race) but I'm going to train like it is.
So here is our first new WPS: Kung Fu Fighting

It isn't that grinding speed but it catches me and I don't care if I look like an idiot when I punch the air while running around. Besides, Boo and I were dancing like crazies to it today. He told me he was happy that I was doing it again because it made me so happy to play in the mud.

Carl Douglas - Kung fu fighting(original)